Look At Your Life, Look At Your Choices
by HazyDandelion
Summary: "Look At Your Life. Look At Your Choices. This Is The Life Your Life Could Be Like: A Story Of Shenanigans and Zombie Dinosaurs"  What if it was all real? Gabriel, Crowley, Lucifer, Future!Cas, OCs. Better summary inside. Very much a crack!fic. Updated!
1. The Rain Down In Sweden

***Disclaimer: I obviously do not own any of the Supernatural characters.

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Summary: This is basically a story about what might happen if the world of Supernatural was real and someone "left their time machine on". If you're a fan of Primeval you may be familiar with the concept I'm going for. The first chapter actually doesn't involve any of the characters from the show, it's basically just a set up for everything that happens next. This is the first fanfiction I've ever wrote and it really is basically crack!fiction.

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Chapter One: _The Rain Down In Sweden or How I met My Sister and Then Related It To A Toto Song_

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I can't tell you what this story is about. I suppose I could, but it would be jumbled and confused and you probably wouldn't keep reading. You also probably wouldn't believe me if I tried to explain. Maybe you would, though. I don't know. What I will tell you is this is a story about family, friends, zombie dinosaurs and the end of the world. I'm not sure I would believe it but I was there.

As I stood waiting, I did a quick recap of the events that led to me standing on a doorstep in Sweden. My husband had mysteriously vanished, I had never met my real dad, and I was what some called impulsive. I couldn't do anything more to find Rob, my husband, but I could find my real father. So I had left my two year-old daughter with my family and got on a plane. That was what I was thinking when the door was flung open.

"Hej?" A teenage girl was standing there with a quizzical look. I was glad 'hello' was discernible in almost any language but I started wishing I knew more Swedish.

"Hi! Uh, is Peter home?" I tried not to look nervous. She shook her head.

"No. They went on vacation." Vacations took longer then a trip to the store. I thought about what to do next.

"When is he supposed to get back?" I asked.

"Oh, next Sunday." Today was Monday.

"Great. Alright. Well, thank you." I started to walk away.

"Wait, should I tell him you came by?" Yeah, that would be good. _By the way, the daughter you never met stopped by._

"Um." What the hell. I had come all this way. "My name is Amanda Zimmer. Most people call me Skip. You can tell him I'm Anita Reno's daughter." She looked surprised for a moment.

"I've heard that name before, hm." She tapped a finger on her chin. Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"You have?"

"Pretty sure, yes," she nodded. "I think my dad worked with her in America."

"Something like that," I grinned. She smiled back at me. "What's your name?"

"Oh! Excuse me! I'm Christina," she said, thrusting her hand at me. I shook it.

"It's nice to meet you."

"You too! How long are you here for?"

"Just for the week." She frowned.

"Then you won't be here when he gets back!"

"Yeah, that's okay. It wasn't that important." She seemed to waver for a moment.

"Would you like to come in for a bit? It's raining." It was. It had been raining in Sweden since the 14th century, I was sure.

"Um." Well, I was already here. I had flown over four thousand miles and this was a chance to get to know my half-sister. "Alright."

She stood aside so I could slip in and then she shut the door. After taking my shoes off, I followed her down a hall into a living room. The first thing I noticed was the fact there was a crocodile skin hanging on the wall. I wondered if my dad had been the one to shoot it. I sat down on the couch next to her.

"What part of America are you from?" she asked, leaning forward.

"Well, all over to be honest. Right now my family lives in Tennessee."

"Oh neat! You don't live with them, though?" At the moment, I didn't really live anywhere.

"I'm kind of in between places but my daughter is staying with them while I'm over here." Her face broke out into a huge grin.

"You have a daughter?" She squealed, "How old is she? Do you have pictures? I love kids."

"She's two years old," I said digging into my bag and pulling out my iPod. I scrolled to the baby pictures. "Here you go."

"Aw!" She took the iPod and began looking at the pictures. "She a little angel!"

"Thanks." Angel would have not been the mythological creature I would have picked.

"Where's her dad?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. About three months ago he disappeared. It was weird. He didn't take anything. There's been no word at all. So I just decided to come over here." I didn't know why I was telling her this. I wasn't the chatty type. I rambled, true, and said stupid things but that was because people made me nervous. The thing was: I wasn't nervous.

"Oh, that's terrible! I'm sorry, I hope you find him."

"I hope so, too. Who knows what will happen." She patted me on the knee. From anyone else it might have seemed condescending. I smiled.

"Why are you here? It's a very long way to fly." This was the tough part. I looked at the girl sitting next to me. I liked her. She was sweet and bubbly. I had no idea how she felt about her, our, father. I could crush everything she believed about him.

"It's really complicated. I'm not sure I can explain."

"That's okay. What are you going to do while you're here?"

"Probably do some sight-seeing. I'm not really sure."

"I could show you around! I have to do some homework first but it would be neat." Any other time I would've said no. I don't know why I didn't.

"That would be great," I said and meant it. "What kind of homework do you have?"

"Math! Yuck! I'm no good at math." She looked horrified at the mere thought.

"I can relate to that. I was never very good at math. I could try giving you a hand, though." Immediately she jumped up.

"That would be great! I'll go get my books. This is awesome." She hurried off back down the hall.

"Huh." I felt like a whirlwind had just touched down. I wasn't bothered by being here or agreeing to help her with math homework. I was bothered by how _not_ bothered I was. I didn't feel awkward or out of place. I could get used to feeling like this. She came back with a pile of books and tossed them on the couch.

"It's stage three math. I just barely passed stage two." She sat down and blew a piece of hair out of her face.

"Alright," I said, trying to translate that into the American system. She put a book in my lap.

"So this is what I'm having trouble with…"

I had never done so much math in my life. That was probably because I had spent most of my life avoiding any math above the level of basic addition and subtraction. I had also never seen so much of Sweden before. (Not that I'd had an opportunity before this but you see my point.) Christina dragged me everywhere on her little island the first day. The second day, we ended up visiting a town called Ronnang, which I never really learned to pronounce correctly. Christina proved to be an excellent, if not slightly sporadic guide. She would start telling me about one thing and switch to a completely different subject half-way through. I didn't mind. I happened to do the same thing.

"I like you, Skippy," she was saying over a cup of hot chocolate. We had stopped at a small café.

"Aw, same here. You're pretty awesome," I said. I stirred some more sugar into my coffee. It was my third packet.

"Maybe one day I could come visit you in America?"

"That would be amazing! I could show you all the roadside attractions like Rock City. You could meet Saoirse, too."

"I want to meet that cutie so bad!" She gave me a shy smile. "You know, I've had a lot of fun. It's like hanging out with my big sister."

For a second, I was about to agree with her. The problem was I actually was her big sister. In the past two days I had become attached to her. I tried not to do that because it generally ended badly. On the other hand, I was the only girl in my family; except now I had the chance to have the sister I always wanted. And, really, who better than someone I actually liked? They say you couldn't pick your family but maybe you could.

"Christina, you know how you were asking why I came over here?" She nodded. "Well. I found out that my dad isn't actually my dad. That's why I'm here. Peter is my dad." I waited for her reaction. She had her head down and her face was hidden by her hair.

"That means you really are my sister?" It was my turn to nod. Suddenly she was out of her seat and pulling me into a hug. "That is awesome! Oh! I can't believe it!"

"I'm so glad you're happy!" A few people turned to look at us jumping up and down, hugging each other.

"Of course I'm happy! How could I not be? Oh, Skip, this is wonderful." She really did look as ecstatic as I felt.

"You'll really have to come visit me now," I said sitting back down. She sat down as well, looking serious.

"Right…This means I'm Saoirse's aunt?"

"Oh yeah! She'll like you." Christina still looked troubled.

"But that means all this time I had a sister. Did dad know about you?" she asked.

"I'm not really sure. I think my mom told him, but I got the feeling they decided to go their separate ways." I could understand how the situation made her angry.

"That's not right! He should've told me. He should've told everyone. You know what? I think I'm done."

"What do you mean?"

"Just my family lied to me and I get you were probably scared to tell me but you still told me. You've treated me more like family."

"Well…We _are_ family," I said.

"I want to come back to America with you." I had to force myself to close my mouth.

"Really? I don't mind but I don't want you to rush into something." I looked at her face and already knew I wasn't going to change her mind.

"I'm sure. We can leave before they get back. I'll leave them a note."

"If you're sure. I'm mean, you are seventeen."

"Almost eighteen!"

"True," I said, feeling a grin spread across my face. "And it would be pretty epic."

"It's settled. I'm going back with you."


	2. It Was Love At First Juice Box

***Disclaimer: I don't own any characters based off Supernatural or The Mystery Spot.

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Chapter Two: _It Was Love At First Juice Box_

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"Hey, look! Broward Country Mystery Spot!" Christina said, pointing at a sign out the window. She paused. "What's a mystery spot?"

"It's another one of the tourist things. I can't believe this the first one we've come across," I said, grinning, "I've been to one once. It was cheesy but cool. A ball rolled up a hill by itself."

"Really? Neat-o! Can we go?"

"Sure, why not?" I couldn't really pass up a place called The Mystery Spot after the disappointment that was the World's Largest Frying Pan. Rose Hill, North Carolina was two days ago and I was ready for another adventure. We'd been having a lot of them in the week and a half since Christina first got to the States. My old Chevy van had become our home. I glanced at Saoirse in the backseat chewing happily on the ear of her stuffed bunny.

"Awesome!" Christina exclaimed as I turned onto the exit ramp. The town was the mix of old main street America and glossy tourist trap. We passed a dinner, small movie theater, and a gas station-grocery store hybrid before arriving at the parking lot of The Mystery Spot. An 'under new management' sign hung over the entrance. The inside was like a museum to kitsch, spirals painted on the walls and all. A girl with long brownish red hair was sitting on a stool with her back to us. She hadn't heard us come in.

"Hi!" She spun around, wide-eyed with a squeak.

"Uh! Can I, er, help you?" she asked, rearranging the papers on the counter that had been flung.

"We wanted to visit," I said. The girl actually looked surprised.

"Huh? Oh. Really?" She looked us over. Saoirse was reaching for the bowl of suckers that was on the counter.

"Oh, yes!" Christina nodded, "Very much so."

"Alright. She can have a sucker," the girl said pointing to the bowl. I took a sucker, unwrapped it, and gave it to Saoirse. "It will be twelve dollars."

Okay." I put my bag on the counter and began digging for the billfold. In the process, I spilled some of the contents including a few toys and a juice box. The girl took the money all the while staring at the juice box.

"You can go right through that door." She pointed. I scooped up the toys and started to walk away. "Eep! You forgot your juice box!"

"It's okay, you can keep it. I have more." Her grin was huge.

"Thanks! I love juice boxes." That last was said with no small amount of joy. It's the little things in life.

The Mystery Spot was everything I thought it would be. Saoirse was particularly entranced by the furniture on the ceiling. A few times she leaned so far backwards, she fell over. Both Christina and I spent more time playing with the giant plasma ball than two reasonably mature adults should. After awhile, Saoirse finished her sucker and told me she wanted another by shoving the stick in my nose. Christina laughed.

"I think it's about time we head out," I said removing the stick from her grasp.

"Yes, maybe we could have lunch at that diner?" Christina asked as we walked toward the front. The girl was still doing paperwork. She looked up. I stopped at the counter and pulled out the remaining juice boxes.

"You can have them." She squealed.

"Really? This…the best day ever!" I could relate; juice boxes are love.

"I'm Amanda." She had that startled look again.

"Uh. I'm, er, Marissa." She gave me a little wave.

"It's nice to meet you. This is quite the place you have here." There was a pause while we both looked around, as if to make sure it really was a nice place.

"Thanks. It's not mine though, it's my boss's. He likes this kind of, um…thing." The emphasis on the word 'thing' made it sound like it might not even be a thing.

"Well, it takes all kids. It's good some people don't have a stick up their butts," I said.

"You know, that's _exactly _what I keep saying!" Both Christina and I spun to face the source of the new voice.

"Howdy!" the man at the door said with an expansive wave of his hand. There was a thud and an 'unf' from behind the counter. Marissa had fallen off her stool. That was why I preferred chairs.

"Sir! You're back early," she said from somewhere on the floor. He ambled over to the counter and looked over it at her.

"I'm productive." He took a sucker for himself than held another in our general direction. "Want a sucker, kiddo?"

"Sure," I started to take it then realized my mistake. "Oh."

"I thin he meant Saoirse," Christina said in a stage whisper. The Mystery Spot owner just cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I knew that." I hadn't and even though I could tell by everyone's expression they knew it as well, I was still going with denial. Christina took the sucker, patting me on the arm on her way by.

"Of course you did," she said giving the sucker to Saoirse. I satisfied myself with glaring at her.

"You can have one, too," Marissa's boss told me. "I'd never deny someone candy."

"Never," Marissa nodded seriously.

"That's alright. We were going to have lunch at the diner, anyway."

"I love that place. They have great cake and strawberry syrup," he said wistfully. "I want cake. Intern!"

"Yes, sir!" Marissa said with a jump.

"Go get me some cake! Chocolate." She gave a quick salute and started towards the door.

"Would you like a ride? It's not far but still," I offered.

"Um…Sure?" She looked between her boss and the group of us. He raised an eye brow and shrugged.

"If it gets me cake faster, by all means."

"We'll get her and the cake back safely and quickly, don't you worry. It was nice meeting you," I said from the door.

"Of course it was!" he called as the door shut behind us.

"Er, sorry about my boss; he's a little…" Words obviously couldn't explain what her boss was so random hand flailing would have to suffice.

"I'll sit in the back with Saoirse," Christina said before I could answer Marissa. Saoirse was clutching her lemon sucker like it was the only food she had ever gotten. As the two of them climbed in the back I ignored the shouts of 'no' and Swedish I heard.

"Don't worry, it's normal," I said to our new passenger as we pulled out of the parking lot. By the time we got to the diner, Christina had a sucker in her hair and Marissa and I had discussed our mutual appreciation for the musical stylings of Savage Garden.

( "'Truly, Madly, Deeply' is the most epic love song ever..."

"...And that one song where he sings so fast. I like that."

"Right! About the soda at the base of his spine."

"I know, who does that?")

At the diner all the waitresses seemed to know Marissa. The cake run was obviously a regular occurrence. It didn't take long for her to settle on a Black Forest cake. Marissa's plan was to get the cake and walk back, but I wasn't having any of that. In short time, Christina, Doris the waitress, and I had convinced her to stay for lunch.

"I wish it was breakfast," I said, "I want waffles."

"I'm going to have a cheeseburger! So good," Christina said.

"I haven't had waffles in forever." Marissa's confession made me gape. Waffles were the base of my food pyramid.

"Doris!" The waitress turned to me. "Can you make waffles?"

"Sure, honey, that's not a problem."

"Then we'll take two waffles, a cheeseburger, and some chicken fingers." Everyone who wasn't busy trying to eat sugar packets with a spoon looked at me. "What? I can be the take charge type."

"It's okay, sis, we don't mind." The spoon went flying.

"Mommy! Chicken," Saoirse said around a mouthful of unopened sugar packets.

"Uh, should she be eating those?" Marissa asked.

"Mm, probably not but at least she's happy."

"My boss does that sometimes," she said absent-mindedly and then looked surprised she had said anything.

"Your boss eats packets of sugar?" Christina asked. I couldn't judge anyone else's food choices.

"Wuh? Oh. He has a sweet tooth."

"I'd say." That was all I was going to say because our food arrived. I realized as we were eating I was having another one of those moments like in the living room of Christina's house. It felt right, like the way the worn copy of your favorite book felt when you picked it up. Both Marissa and I had certain awkward traits that only come from never really feeling like you belong. I wasn't thinking about that, though, and she wasn't thinking about her boss's cake. We were talking about raptors.

"And it was wearing a party hat? Awesome! That's a drawing I want to see," I said.

"Naw, s'not that good," she said, looking embarrassed.

"Pshaw! You should see my drawings; Saoirse could do better." She scoffed. We could probably go back and forth like this all day. "But I'd still like to see this raptor picture."

"Er, alright. I can show you when I get back to the Mystery Spot." Her eyes widened. "The cake! Oh, nuggets!"

"I'm sure it'll be fine. We'll drive you back now." Luckily, Christina and Saoirse were already outside petting a golden retriever. Saoirse loved dogs.

"Oh, you don't understand! My boss really, _really_ loves cake." Apparently this was a cake or death situation.

"I'll drive fast then."

I did drive fast. It didn't take long to return Marissa and avert a lack of case crisis. Marissa seemed to think that it could have been apocalyptic in nature. I didn't know but I was too enamored by raptors with party hats being thrown by her boss's brother to care. It _was_ awesome. After exchanging cell phone numbers and ties, I drove away from the Mystery Spot. My sister was correcting my Swedish and my daughter was clutching the suckers Marissa had given her. I really couldn't complain.

Florida went by without incident. Well, with as little incident as possible for us. After a little over two weeks driving around the country in an old Chevy conversion van none of us had lost our enthusiasm. It was all truck stop diners, roadside attractions, random hotels, and even more random texts from Marissa. ("THERE'S A FLIPPING CHAIR ON THE ROOF. WHAT IS THIS. I DON'T EVEN.") Things changed, however, with the next message. We were driving through Louisiana when the theme song for the original Star Trek began to play. Christina grabbed my cell phone.

"It's Marissa!" she said. I didn't know who else it would be.

"What does she have to say?"

"Huh," Christina was frowning down at the phone, "'The boss says to let us know if you see anything weird.' That's it."

"Ask her to define 'weird'." I passed a semi-truck as we waited for Marissa's response.

"She says we'll know when we see it." It was my turn to frown.

"Because that isn't vague or slightly troublesome."

It took exactly two days for us to understand what Marissa and her boss meant. At first it was just news reports about animal attacks and outbreaks of bovine flu. That didn't seem all that strange and it was on television after all. It wasn't until the regiment of Crusade era soldiers in Slidell, Louisiana that we really started to wonder.

"Maybe they're actors?" Christina suggested. We watched them charge a tractor in the rearview mirror.

"Could be re-enactors. Those swords looked pretty sharp." I bit my lip. "Do you think that counts as weird?"

"No, but that might," she said with a confused tone. She was pointing to the road ahead.

"Wha-?" I turned back just in time to see a green blur and feel the thump under the van.

"Christina, was that a dinosaur?"

"I think so."

"We just hit a dinosaur."

"Yup."

"I think this classifies as weird." I had pulled the van over. Saoirse looked out the window and pointed to the mangled corpse.

"Doggy!" she said happily.

"Not really." I unbuckled and opened the door. "Stay here, I'm going to check it out."

It was a velociraptor or what was left of one. I only knew that from watching Jurassic Park about fifty times. This one looked smaller than in the movie and distinctly more dead. Of course it was dead; it had been hit by a van. I got the feeling that it had been dead before I hit it. This made me wonder how it had run out in front of me. I flipped open my phone and pressed the speed dial for Marissa. She answered on the second ring.

"Er, yeah? Amanda?"

"Marissa, I'm outside of Slidell, Louisiana and I just ran over a zombie dinosaur." I heard her drop the phone.

"I guess that's weird enough," I said to no one.

"Boss! Boss! Gabriel!" I could hear her shouting. I made a mental note of her boss's name. Marissa started talking excitedly at him.

"Uh, geez. Amanda? He wants to talk to you."

"Yeah, I figured." I had heard actually but that was beside the point.

"What's this about a zombie dinosaur, kiddo?"

"I ran over one."

"Where?" he asked sounding like he was talking with his mouth full. He probably was.

"Slidell. I should probably add we passed a bunch of Crusade soldiers a ways back."

"…and you didn't think that was weird?" he coughed.

"I didn't think it was _that_ weird."

"You have an interesting definition of weird, girl." True enough.

"Yup. What should we do?"

"Get your butts back her and don't touch that dinosaur. There's a lot we need to talk about." Boy, was he ever right.

"I'm an angel. Really." It was the second time he had said it. Marissa's head was buried in her arms. Christina looked like she was torn between squealing and fainting. I looked at Marissa's boss, the archangel Gabriel. He was leaning back in his chair, feet on the table, smirking. He was obviously enjoying this. It was not very angelic. Marissa lifted her head.

"No. It's true," she said.

"Can we see your wings?" He quirked an eyebrow at Christina.

"Nah, not enough room. They're impressive though."

"I'm sure. After the dinosaur, I'll buy it. Why did you want us to keep an eye out for weird stuff?" I asked.

"That's where it gets confusing. I'm not good with the technical stuff. Basically, someone left their time machine on and now things are screwy." He spread his hands.

"So," I said slowly, mulling it over, "that's how the dinosaur wound up on Route 433?"

"And the knights," Christina added.

"Exactly! Now at first it was just little things. Pulling people like me from their time or reality and sticking 'em in this time. It's getting worse."

"How bad are we talking?"

"End of the world bad." He paused. "At least end of the non-zombie world."

"That's pretty bad," Christina said. Marissa lifted her head again and nodded.

"Hells yeah, it is. But we have a plan to stop it. Kind of," Gabriel said. I wasn't convinced.

"Who's 'we'?" I asked.

"Uh-oh," Marissa said and went right back to doing her ostrich impersonation.

"Mmmm…My brother and a few others. We'll have to track 'em down."

"And you guys have a plan?" I had the distinct impression that whether we wanted to be or not, my sister and I were in this now. I might as well know the details.

"Yeah, of course," he said trying to hide the guilty look on his face behind a bowl of popcorn. I was pretty sure it hadn't been there before.

"They'll, uh, figure something out, I'm sure," Marissa said.

"See? Everything will be fine. Don't worry," Gabriel said with a wave of his hand. I immediately started worrying.

"Right, nothing could possibly go wrong here." Everyone turned to look at me. I shrugged.

"Actually," Christina said finally, "I think a lot could go wrong."


	3. Cupcakes Explode and We Avoid An Orgy

The Mystery Spot was deceptively homely. This was probably because Marissa lived there while Gabriel was out doing whatever it was he did. Marissa tried her best to explain it but all I had gotten out of it was that Gabriel was some kind of angelic Robin Hood with an alien fetish. Living with the archangel was like living on a never-ending set of Candid Camera, sans cameras. We had the place to ourselves, though, while he was off looking for his brother. Every time I asked Marissa about his brother, she changed the subject. It had been three days and I was taking advantage of having an actual kitchen by baking cupcakes and pie.

"Tooth picks! They need to die in a fire," Marissa said, glaring at them as if she thought she could set them on fire with the power of her mind.

"You're doing a good job, though! I like the angel wing," I said. Her cup cake decorating skills were impressive for the limited supplies we had.

"You're just saying that."

"Yup. Because it's true. Besides, Gabriel will love them no matter what they look like."

"This is true. I just like the colors," she said. They were nice colors.

"When do you think Gabriel will be back?"

"No clue. It could take awhile."

"I would think being an angel would help matters there," I said checking on my apple pie. It was the proper shade of golden brown so I pulled it out to cool.

"But his brother is an angel too, right? So they're kind of playing angel tag." She frowned at the cupcakes. "I'm going to stab myself with a toothpick."

"Don't do that." I took the toothpick from her, still thinking about angels playing tag. "I honestly don't get how it works just yet."

"Uh, well, Gabriel and his brother have an interesting relationship." If her eyes got any wider they may have popped out of her head.

"Who is his brother anyway and don't—" That was as far I as I got. Someone behind us saying 'boo' caused the two of us to jump. When the flour that I may have knocked over finally settled, I let go of Marissa and looked at our visitor. He was brushing off the sleeve of his black suit.

"Hello, Marissa," he said in a lazy voice. He turned his blue eyes on him. "And who might you be?"

"I'm Amanda." I wanted to ask who he was but even I can recognize a bad idea when I have one. Practice makes perfect.

"Another one of Gabriel's finds, I assume?" He looked at Marissa.

"She's, uh, a friend. Did Gabriel find you?" she asked.

"I may have left him in a volcano." He walked over and looked at Marissa's cupcakes. "Who are these for?"

"Um…er…Gabriel?" She cringed. He narrowed his eyes at the offending cupcakes then snapped his fingers. I had seen Gabriel do that before so I was expecting _something_ to happen, just not what did happen. The cupcakes exploded. Marissa squealed and I flinched. We looked at each other. She had icing and a chunk of cupcake in her hair. I wiped some icing off my glasses and then licked from my finger.

"The icing was good, though, Marissa," I said. It was the only thing I could think to say.

"Thanks…" She looked around at the remnants of the cupcakes. Gabriel's brother eyed the pie. I snatched it off the counter.

"Ow." It was still hot. "Do you know how hard it is to bake an apple pie from scratch?" I asked, really wishing I could put the pie down. He looked interested.

"Apple?" I nodded. I heard Marissa mutter something under her breath. "Apple is my favorite."

"It is good," I agreed, slowly. I weighed my options then offered the pie to him. "Would you like it?"

"I was just going to take it but since you offered…" He took it from me and didn't even bother cutting it before digging in with the fork that appeared in his hand.

"I should clean up," Marissa said. The man looked around and snapped his fingers again. The mess was gone.

"He'll be mad enough that I stuck him at the bottom of that volcano."

"Er, thanks Lucifer," she said. I was trying very hard not to show my shock even though I wasn't sure _why_ I was surprised. Marissa gave me an apologetic shrug.

"You're welcome." He wiped his mouth off. There was nothing left of the pie. He looked at me. "It was good."

"Oh, thanks. It's kind of a specialty of mine," I said, then took advantage of his pie based approval. "What do you think is keeping Gabriel?"

"About three million tons of hot lava," Gabriel said, "Thanks for that, bro."

"Oh, you are most welcome. Consider it payback for the unicorn," Lucifer replied with a smirk.

"Maybe I'll just surprise you with a pomegranate smoothie next time?"

"Uh, boss?" Marissa said.

"Do that and next time you might take a journey to the center of the earth."

"Boss," she said a little louder and raised her hand. Gabriel made a face at Lucifer then turned to his intern.

"What?"

"You're on fire." He was; or rather the sleeve of his jacket was on fire. He brushed his hand over the flame. It went out and the jacket was as good as new.

"So I was. Well, _now_ that we're all here," he said, shooting a look at Lucifer who responded by whistling at the ceiling, "we can start talking about what to do next."

"I should go get Christina," I said, starting towards the door.

"What are you running here, brother, a pound?" Lucifer asked.

"She's my younger sister."

"Don't worry about him. He's just grumpy, always has been." Gabriel grinned. Lucifer started to respond and I hurried off leaving the two of them to bicker.

"…it was a brotherly hug!"

"You _sat_ on my wing!"

And we were the last hope of humanity?

I had explained everything to Christina. She took it the same way I had. At this point, nothing could really surprise us. If I was honest, it was probably because we both _wanted_ to believe in this kind of thing. Granted the suddenly talking moose head was a little unsettling as was Gabriel's tendency to just…appear; but it wasn't boring. After making sure Saoirse was asleep we headed down to the office. The two angels were sitting with Marissa between them. She had a slightly horrified yet resigned look on her face. Gabriel and Lucifer both had their arms crossed and were refusing to look at each other.

"So," I said taking a seat on the edge of the desk, "What are we going to do next? I mean, is there really a plan?" Like clockwork the humans looked at the two archangels.

"Planning really isn't my forte. I'm more of the spur of the moment type," Gabriel said. I gawked.

"I thought you had a plan?"

"Yeah," Christina agreed. Gabriel had that guilty look on his face again. Lucifer sighed.

"If we can solve this as quietly as possible, that works better for us. Human involvement will complicate things." It was his turn to shrug. "There are some people we should talk to."

"How about the hippie hobo? He's close," Gabriel suggested. Marissa rolled her eyes and I exchanged worried glances with Christina.

"A hippie hobo?" I know. I had already given up on normalcy but even for us asking a 'hippie hobo' for help was odd. "Do I want to know?"

"Mmaybe," Gabriel shrugged, an action that seemed to involve his whole body. "He's from the future. He was an angel."

"Alright, and you think he can help?"

"He at least has experience dealing with an end-of-the-world zombie scenario. That could be useful. If he's ever sober," said Lucifer.

"If. That's a big if," Marissa said. "This is going to be a problem."

"I don't know. He sounds like a perfect addition to our little team," I said trying to keep the manic edge out of my voice.

"See! Positive thinking! That's the spirit, kiddo," Gabriel beamed at me. I grinned back. At least someone appreciated my 'bright-side' mentality.

"Where does he live?" Christina asked.

"'Live' isn't exactly the word I'd use. He works over at the local hemp store, Pot-topia. He gives seminars," he said. Lucifer just raised an eyebrow. Marissa, however, laughed so hard I thought she may fall off the couch.

"Seminars. Oh. Ho. Is that what they call it?" she said.

"Anyway! Maybe you and Christina could go recruit him, huh?" asked Gabriel.

"And I thought I was the cruel one," Lucifer said.

"It can't be that bad…" Christina looked around the room, waiting for confirmation.

"Good idea, boss. You send those two, he'll probably assume he's signing up for another 'seminar'," Marissa said with a snort. I rubbed my forehead. I had the feeling I may regret what I was about to do.

"Just tell us what we need to know and we'll do it."

I opened the door into the store and the smell of patchouli overwhelmed me. It was like any of the hemp stores I had ever been in down to the beaded curtains, multitude of hookah pipes, and generic Indian music on stereo. The rest of the store was filled with  
hand-made wears from local 'artists'. Behind me I heard Christina cough as the incense hit her. There was a skinny girl with lank hair and bracelets covering her arms behind the counter reading. She looked up at the sound of the door hitting the wind chime that hung from the frame.

"Hey, sorry to bother you but we're looking for Cas. We need to talk to him." That caught her attention. She put her book down and looked us up and down with raised eyebrows.

"Uh-huh. I bet," she said with a grin and pointed, "He's in the back."

"Thanks." I pulled Christina along with me towards where the girl indicated.

"Have fun!" the girl called after us.

"What does she mean?" Christina asked. I stopped before another  
beaded curtain and looked at my half-sister. She certainly wasn't as  
innocent as she seemed but I still didn't want to explain orgies right  
now.

"You don't want to know."

"Ok!" The beads clacked around us as we entered a room that somehow  
managed to smell more strongly of incense than the front of the store  
and seemed to be filled completely with pillows. At first I didn't  
even notice the man sprawled across the floor. Even though I had been  
warned it was still odd to see another version of a person you already  
knew. Christina peeked out from behind me.

"Cas?" No answer.

"Cas?" I said a little louder. He snored.

"Maybe you should poke him?" Christina suggested. Looking at the  
stubble and miss-buttoned, stained shirt I decided against touching. I  
walked over and nudged him in the side with my foot.

"Cas!" Ah, success.

"Wha-?" He scrambled to a sitting position and looked at us with  
blood-shot eyes. For a moment he looked confused; then he took us in  
and the look became positively lecherous. "Ladies. What can I do for  
you?"

"Gabriel sent us to talk to you." His grin faltered.

"Oh. About what?"

"The zombie dinosaurs, I think," Christina said matter-of-factly. He  
blinked a few times and ran a hand through his hair. It didn't help  
matters.

"I'm nowhere near drunk or stoned enough for this. Hold on." I looked  
at Christina and we shrugged as he poured himself a shot of Jack  
Daniels. He downed it. "Ok. Who are you two?"

"Oh! Sorry! I'm Christina! This is my sister," she said with a wave.  
The choking smoke and vaguely pornographic surroundings couldn't  
dampen her enthusiasm. That's the sister I love. His lecherous grin  
was back in full force.

"Sisters, huh?"

"Not a chance," I said, "I'm Amanda. Or Skip, whatever you like."

"Sure thing, sweetheart." I let it slide. If I knew then what I know  
now, I probably would've insisted he use my name. Or at least insisted  
he learn it. "Now what were you saying about zombie dinosaurs?"

"It's a problem." I nodded in agreement.

"The anomalies like what pulled you back are getting worse. It's infecting the things it brings back now, making them like zombies," I explained. Anomalies. I liked that.

"Wait, wait, wait," he said waving his hand, "You're seriously talking about zombies? Is this one of Gabriel's jokes?"

"Oh, no. We ran over this velociraptor, right?" She looked to me for confirmation and I nodded. "Just smack and it was toast!"

Cas looked back and forth at us, shook his head, and poured another drink. He held up a finger for us to give him a moment and grabbed a pill bottle off a table. Tapping a few into his palm, he swallowed them with the entire glass of JD. He poured another glass of whiskey and settled back down on the mound of pillows.

"Right. Now what exactly do they need me for?

"It's just going to get worse," I said, "We don't know what's causing it and we could use all the help we can get."

"Not to put a damper on your plans, sweetheart, but I'm not much use." I was prepared for that reaction.

"In your future you were fighting Croats, right?"

"Barely."

"Let's put it this way." I turned to my sister. "Christina, do you know how to shoot a gun?"

"Nope! I haven't even held one!"

"Right. And she at least knows what's going on. When things get really bad, do you think the general population will handle it well?"

"No. I know they won't." He sighed.

"Exactly." I knelt beside him and tried my best to look helpless. "That's why we need you."

"Yes, we do! Please?" Christina was giving him the puppy dog face from the other side.

"You ladies are heartless."

"We sure are. So, Cas, what do you say?"


	4. We Go Bambiraptor Bowling

"Because you have to take your clothes off so I can wash them," I said. It was like dealing with a child.

"I knew you were just trying to get my clothes off," said Cas. Okay. An extremely perverted child.

"I'm trying to get you to stop stinking." I leaned my head against the door frame.

"Oh, you love my musk, sweetheart." I began banging my head.

"Just." Bang. "Give me." Bang. "Your clothes." Bang.

"Alright, alright! Calm down, sweetheart," he said. I stuck my hand out and closed my eyes. I wasn't going to encourage him. He stuffed his dirty clothes into my hand.

"Thanks. And Cas?

"Yeah?"

"Take a shower while you're in there," I said as I walked away. It had taken me two days to convince him that cleanliness was a good thing. The Mystery Spot was becoming crowded. It wasn't designed for people to actually live in it, despite Gabriel's modifications. (Those consisted of a shower and a few couches.) It helped that neither him nor Lucifer needed sleep and Cas seemed to be able to sleep anywhere. I had been the one to insist he come back with us. I didn't trust him out of my sight. I guess that was my maternal instinct. That was going to be a problem, I could tell.

"Did you really convince him to bathe?" Marissa asked as I came into the office. She was doing paperwork and listening to music.

"Gave myself a headache but victory was mine."

"You're my hero. I almost thought _he_ was a zombie." I laughed. He did have the shambling walk down but it was usually alcohol induced.

"We'll see how long that lasts," I said sitting down. I gave the plasma ball on the desk a poke.

"Mm-hm. Oh, it's this song." Marissa reached over and turned up the volume on the computer's speakers. I listened to the song, growing more and more confused.

"Sexy, naughty, bitchy me?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Tata Young."

"You know, this song reminds me of…"

"Gabriel," she said in time with me.

"Oh yeah," I said, grinning, "It really does."

"I think this calls for an investigation."

"Of the very scientific sort."

"We're professionals, after all." She stood up. "I'll get the clipboards."

"Now to find our subject," I said after we had gathered the necessary supplies. I followed her to the kitchen. If we needed to find Gabriel and he was actually at the Mystery Spot the first place we looked was the kitchen.

"Boss!" Gabriel spun around from the fridge ad put his hands behind his back.

"Hm?"

"We have some serious questions for you," she said. I adjusted my glasses and nodded seriously.

"I'm suddenly concerned, but go ahead," he said.

"Would you say that you pick all your skirts to be too sexy?" Marissa tapped the pen against her chin. His eyebrows made a break for his hairline.

"Just go with it. It's for science," I told him.

"When…_If_ I wore skirts then I guess I would." Both Marissa and I wrote on our papers.

"Good, good," Marissa said.

"How about your thoughts, would you classify them as naughty?" I asked with my pen poised.

"It kind of goes with the territory, don't cha think?"

"So that's a 'yes'?" He blinked at Marissa.

"Yes…" He frowned even more at us. "What exactly is this about?"

"Science," we both said.

"I'm going to need a snack," he said. He was unwrapping a lollipop as if it had always been there. He stuck it in his mouth. "Continue."

"While hanging out with your 'girls' do you play it bitchy?" she asked, complete with finger quotes.

"I like to think that I'm delightfully sarcastic."

"That counts, I'd say. Right, Marissa?"

"Definitely." I could see Marissa write down 'bitchy' with a heart next to it. "I think we've got all we need to make a conclusion."

"And…?" Gabriel asked.

"You're Tata Young, basically," I said, taking off my glasses. That's what they do in the movies.

"Pretty much," agreed Marissa.

"You two are lucky I like you," he said. "And that you bake."

"Oh, speaking of, I need to go to the store. Saoirse went through all that apple sauce and ramen noodles."

"I'm surprised she got any apple sauce with Lucifer around," said Gabriel. I didn't point out he sometimes sneaked her candy.

"I think he almost likes her. She's not scared of him. Anyway, wanna come with me?" I asked turning to Marissa.

"Sure. I want juice boxes. And pasta." Everything else had been forgotten.

"Pick me up some ice cream while you're at it, will ya?" Gabriel gave us his most charming grin and eyebrow wiggle. I couldn't argue with results.

Normally going to the store was quite the process but today it was just Marissa and me. Christina had inexplicitly taken a shine to Lucifer. I had left them conferring around a particular spot on the floor. I didn't ask. It seemed like the best course of action around here. In fact, that seemed like the appropriate response most of the time.

"Which flavor? Rocky Road, Chocolate Fudge, or Cookie Dough?" Marissa asked with her arms full of ice cream cartons. I tossed the box of frozen waffles in the cart.

"Oh. Just get all of them. They may last longer than a day that way."

"You sure? It's your money."

"Yeah, I don't mind encouraging his sweet tooth."

"Not that he needs it." I laughed in agreement and pushed the cart towards the front. Someone started screaming and there was a loud crash. We looked at each other.

"Lucifer…?" Marissa wondered.

"You don't think Gabriel…?" She shook her head. "Let's check it out."

The sight that greeted us was pure chaos. People were running, screaming, all around us. I assumed they were running from the flock of bambiraptors that had busted through the front window. Marissa and I stood watching for a moment.

"Huh," she said and cocked her head to the side.

"Do you think they would be called a flock?" I asked.

"They have fathers," she pointed out.

"True. Oh. Whoa!" One had taken an interest in us. I used the cart to crush it against a diet Orange Slice display.

"Eee! Should we call someone?"

"Let's arm ourselves first." Just for your information, zombie movies lie. It's not that easy to find weapons in a grocery store; I satisfied myself with a broom. Marissa had a pineapple in one hand and a package of steaks in the other. I smacked one that had leaped at us out of the air. Marissa was trying her hand at Pineapple Bambiraptor Bowling. She was pretty good at it. Three of them went flying.

"I think that's a strike," I said to her as she tore open the package of steaks. She tossed them into the middle of the ravenous beasts. (Hey, I can take poetic license.) I kept them at bay while she called Gabriel.

"Uh, boss? We're kind of being attacked by—."

"Attacked by what?" he said from next to us. Marissa pointed. "Oh."

"Could you maybe do something?" I asked. I was tug-of-war with one.

"No problem, pet." He snapped his finger and they were gone. I looked around.

"Where did you send them?" He just grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. He really needed to copyright that. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"Don't worry. Lucifer can handle them."

Turns out Lucifer could indeed handle them. He was, however, not happy about having a flock of zombie bambiraptors dropped on his head. In the time it took Marissa and me to drive back, the aftermath was pretty much over. Lucifer was glaring at Gabriel who was picking pieces of rocks off his jacket. Christina was sitting with Saoirse petting what may have been an invisible cat.

"I only sent them to you 'cause I knew you could handle it," Gabriel said. "You didn't have to over-react like that!"

"Me? Over-react? I just sent you to Jupiter. You're the one who blew it up."

"I'm not going to have to clean that up, am I?" Marissa asked. She looked extremely put upon.

"Hey, does this mean Pluto can be a planet again?" I wondered to the room.

"No," Gabriel said to Marissa.

"No," Lucifer said to me.

"Aww…"

"Good." It was quiet for a moment.

"Oh, sis! Look," Christina said, holding up air in my direction. "I'm helping Lucifer raise his hellhound. His name is Beowulf. Well, I guess you can't see him but yeah."

"Chrissey has been quite helpful," Lucifer practically purred at her.

"Yeah! I'm learning a lot," she agreed.

"That's great." I smiled. "That reminds me, have we learned _anything_ about what's going on?"

"Well…" Gabriel said, frowning. "Not yet. Whoever is behind it is a tricky S.O.B."

"Someone can out trick you, brother?" Lucifer smirked. I was always amazed at the amount of faces Gabriel could make.

"Can't we all just get along?" Marissa said to the moose head. I was waiting for it to answer. It didn't this time.

"Anyway!" Gabriel said. "I think we may, unfortunately, have to ask Crowley and my double for help."

"No," said Lucifer, "I'm not asking him for help. Do you know what it'll do to his ego?"

"It can't get any worse," Gabriel shrugged. He didn't look happy about it though.

"He won't listen to any of us. Maybe Marissa but that's it." Marissa looked at Lucifer. I got the feeling she hadn't really been listening.

"Wuh?"

"Mmaybe."

"Well, whatever happens, I need to go up to Tennessee for a bit," I said. The two angels looked interested. I was sure I looked nervous.

"If you're heading up that way, you could talk to Crowley."

"Who _is_ Crowley?" I asked Gabriel.

"He's a demon. The King of Hell, actually." Lucifer snorted.

"And you want me to go talk to him?" I was flabbergasted. I had learned a little about demons and I wasn't sure how I felt about dealing with one.

"Yeah. He might like you. You use big words," Gabriel said. That wasn't very comforting.

"I suppose she's as good as anyone."

"Thanks, Lucifer."

"You're welcome, flower."

"Fine, say I do this. How likely am I to survive?" The King of Hell didn't seem like someone to mess with.

""Pfft! Don't worry, he's a teddy bear," Marissa said.

"Just don't be an idiot and you should live," Lucifer said. Oh, this should be good.

"Teddy bear!" Marissa said in my ear. "Besides he's dating the other Gabriel." My head started hurting.

"Other Gabriel?"

"More of that time warp B.S.," our Gabriel said. "You'll be fine, Amanda, don't worry. Just take Lucifer's advice. He's kind of a prickly one."

"Should I go with you?" Christina asked. She looked slightly concerned.

"You stay here with me. You need to look after Beowulf," Lucifer said to her.

"Oh! Right! Little guy needs someone to take him for walks."

"Okay. I'll do it. Who's going to watch the stoner?"

"We'll put him some place safe. Don't worry so much," Gabriel said.

"Right. I'll leave tomorrow."

"Remember: Just don't be an idiot and you may live. Watch out for the hellhound too," Lucifer said. I forgot to ask him how I could watch out for it if I couldn't see it.


	5. In Which Crowley Makes Tea Scary

The trip North had taken longer than I thought it would. From Florida to Tennessee had been hectic with Saoirse and no Christina to help out. Once I had dropped Saoirse off with my family (and that reunion had been chaotic all on its own) I thought the drive to Philadelphia would be smoother. I was wrong. It was tedious and all I had for distraction was my thoughts. Those were not exactly happy ones. I was concerned about my upcoming 'mission'. Picking up a former angel turned hippie was one thing; a demon who happened to be the King of Hell was an entirely different matter. Sure, I could comfort myself with the knowledge I had met Lucifer and survived but that hadn't been alone.

"Just don't be an idiot." It had been my mantra for the entire trip. It shouldn't be that hard; I wasn't an idiot but it had been made clear this was a life or death situation. I didn't want to go out like that. It would be embarrassing.

The house had been surprising easy to find thanks to Gabriel's directions and Marissa's clarification. It was an exceedingly nice house. I parked my van down the block, thinking not to ruin the aesthetic, and walked up to the gate. _Well,_ I thought, _here goes nothing._ I pressed the call button on the intercom. In the minute it took for it to be answered, I considered running and changed my mind about twenty times.

"Yes?" The voice had a 'get to the point' tone to it. The British accent may have help.

"Hi, my name is Amanda." Skip didn't seem appropriate. "I'm friends with Marissa and Gabriel."

"Hn. Smart. What do you want?"

"I'm here to speak with Crowley," I said even though I had the distinct impression I already was. "Please."

"Come in, then." There was a buzzing noise and a click as the gate slid open. At first I kept looking for hellhounds until I realized it was pointless. I knocked on the door. An older gentleman in an impeccable suit opened the door and looked me over. He gestured with a hand and I stepped inside. The house was like his suit.

"You're Crowley?"

"Obviously," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." I put my hand out and he looked at it.

"We'll see about that." I followed him down the hall and into a spacious kitchen. I was trying hard not to touch anything as I sat on the stool he indicated. "Now, why exactly are you here?"

"Gabriel and Lucifer asked me to come speak with you, sir." I was nervous. Not that him going about making a pot of tea was threatening in and of itself but he made it menacing. He narrowed his eyes.

"Let me guess, they're requesting my help with the whole…time warp debacle."

"It's gotten worse. I mean dinosaurs in a city kind of worse."

"And what exactly makes that my problem? It sounds like something your kind should deal with." I knew he would be a tough sell.

"They're infected and it can spread." He remained impassive, fixing the tea. "We also think who ever is behind it is targeting people like you."

"I assume the reasoning is that these anomalies were not random and whoever is behind it has taken an interest in us. Tea?"

"Oh, yes. Thank you, sir." I took the cup of tea and waited until he had sat down to respond. "That is the general idea at the moment."

"It seems logical, I'll grant you that."

"I agree. And to be honest, if the whole of humanity is zombified, you won't have much in the way of business." I took a drink of tea in an effort not to look terrified. "Sir."

"A valid point. Still, I'm not one to involve myself in this kind of matter."

"Zombie dinosaurs seem like a pretty important matter."

"Did someone say zombie dinosaur? Because if we had a bigger yard…" a voice from the doorway said. I knew the voice and knew who I'd see; Gabriel. More specifically, Crowley's Gabriel.

"We're not keeping a zombie dinosaur. The smell would put Azzy and Imi off."

"You're no fun sometimes, peach," Gabriel said leaning against the counter. I wanted to ask who Azzy and Imi were but I decided to keep quiet.

"Now, now. I let you get the shark, didn't I?" Gabriel seemed to think for a moment and then nodded. The mention of a shark put all thoughts of proper behavior from my mind.

"You have a shark?" They turned to look at me. I suddenly remembered to be afraid. "I'm sorry. I was just curious."

"Yes, Paisley. Would you like to meet her?" Crowley asked.

"Ah…No thank you, sir."

"Who is this anyway?" Gabriel waved his hand towards me.

"This is Amanda. Lucifer and your doppelganger sent her to convince us to help them, darling," Crowley explained. Gabriel now seemed slightly interested in me. I wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"Really? You've obviously been too nice to them," Gabriel said. Crowley snorted.

"You've been awfully complacent if you're letting them get by with these antics." I laughed. My survival instincts were failing me today.

"Something funny, Mandy?" Gabriel asked.

"Oddly enough, I can't imagine Crowley as 'nice' or you as 'complacent'," I said with a shrug. They exchanged glances.

"Your images of us must be oddly accurate. Some people actually believe I'm nice." Crowley made 'nice' sound like it was the worst thing you could be called. It probably was for him.

"It's ridiculous," scoffed Gabriel.

"I generally don't do ridiculous." Around people who were more likely to kill me for it, but I left that part out.

"It's appreciated," Crowley said, finishing his tea. "I don't generally tolerate ridiculousness. So far you've lasted longer with the both of us than most who show up at our door. Impressive."

"Thank you, sir. I wouldn't imagine you're easily impressed. I'm flattered." I was flattered and slightly amazed.

"I like this one, Gabriel. Can we keep her?" Now I was concerned. Gabriel raised his eyebrows. I knew the look.

"If you think the dogs won't get jealous, sugar."

"Sorry to interrupt, truly, but does that mean you'll help us?" I wanted the subject as far away from me and hellhounds as possible.

"Since you've managed not to annoy me, we'll discuss it. I won't promise anything, however," Crowley said. I nodded.

"I'm in if we get a zombie dinosaur out of it."

"I don't see why that would be a problem, really," I said to Gabriel.

"Please, don't encourage him. Give us a couple of days and then come back. I'm sure we'll have decided by that point."

"Right. Thank you both for hearing me out," I said standing up. "I'll just show myself out, shall I?"

"Just watch out for the shark, huh?" Gabriel said with a wink and a wag of his eyebrows. I stared at him for a moment then walked away. I could hear him chuckling. It was until I was standing on the porch that it occurred to me I didn't know _where_ the shark was. Invisible dogs and lurking yard sharks. What had I gotten myself into? I decided the rational thing to do was blame Marissa as I walked back to the van. She was the one who had promised me everything would be fine. Granted, I hadn't been eaten or dismembered but she hadn't mentioned sharks. I sighed. Now I just needed to kill two days.


	6. Welcome to Camp Rainbowshine

Sorry this has taken so long to update! It got pretty crazy here for a bit.

* * *

"Yes, I'm still alive," I said into my cell phone. It was the first thing Marissa had asked.

"Oh, good. Er…What did Crowley say?"

"He's thinking about it." There was silence. "That's better than him just saying no, right?"

"True facts. It went well, huh?"

"I think so. I'm not really sure. Oh, Marissa?"

"Hm?"

"You forgot to mention the shark."

"Oops."

"I'm not sure 'oops' is the appropriate response for not mentioning a shark."

"I'm truly sorry I didn't mention the shark. Please forgive me, baby?" I was glad we were on the phone. The deadpan way in which she said that was making it hard for me to keep a straight face.

"That's better. I'll give you guys a call when I get an answer from Crowley."

"Mm-hm. Good luck."

It was strange driving around without Christina and Saoirse. What I really meant was it was boring and I don't handle boredom well. To remedy that, I thought I would see the sights of the city but it took me exactly forty minutes of dealing with parking to decide against it. I drove without really think because that's what I was used to doing. It wasn't until I was two hours out of the city that I started to give some thought to where I was going. At that point I was already lost. I spent the next thirty minutes driving aimlessly before I saw the signs.

"Camp Rainbowshine Craft Fair and Bake Sale," I read out loud. The sign was painted with glitter and had some sad looking balloons tied to it. I'm a sucker for baked goods, glitter, and balloons. I turned the way the arrow on the sign pointed.

A large banner over the entrance welcomed visitors and family. There were just a few cars in the parking lot. The camp had obviously seen better days but it still managed be cheery. None of the cabins were painted the same color. I could see where the place got its name. I walked around looking at paper mache masks and eating my rice crispy treat.

"Are you with one of the families?" The girl who had spoken had a name tag declaring her as Amanda. It's a small world after all, especially for people with popular names.

"No, I'm just lost." She looked a little confused. "I'm from out of town."

"Oh, I see." She looked around but didn't walk away.

"I'm Amanda too, by the way, but you can call me Skip. It seems like a really cute camp."

"Yeah, it really was," she said scanning the camp. I frowned.

"Was? Are you just closing for the summer or…?"

"For good, sadly. The owners are selling the place."

"That does suck. Places like this are hard to find nowadays." It was like a bubble gum version of Camp Crystal Lake. I didn't think they _made_ those.

"It is. Everyone really enjoyed working here. It's like a second family," she said quietly and I smiled at her.

"I understand that," I said, thinking about my van and the Mystery Spot. I truly did understand.

"If I could, I'd work here forever... It's not really the job, though," she said with a shrug.

"It's the people and the place," I answered for her. I may have felt that way about a beat up van and tourist trap but the principal was the same.

"Yeah, exactly," she grinned at me. "It's nice to meet you by the way."

"Same to you. Getting lost isn't so bad, sometimes."

"Not, I guess it isn't." I was about to say I should get going when a girl with brown hair and blunt bangs jogged up to us. She was covered in something red. There was elbow macaroni in her hair.

"John put macaroni and glue in Mary's volcano," the girl whose name tag said she was Allie. "It. Is. Every. _Where._"

"Yeah, I see that," Amanda said. "Anyone get hurt?"

"Just Richard's panorama of alien invasions. Kelly and Diane are cleaning it up but it's still pretty chaotic and…," she trailed off and gave me a small smile.

"Hi, I'm Skip. I'm just visiting."

"Oh. Well, welcome to our camp."

"Thanks. It's lovely." We all smiled at each other. I love group smiles.

"Well, we should probably go deal with the eruption of Mount Macaroni. Hope you find your way back," said Allie. We had started walking to the common area.

"I'll let you get to it. Good luck," I said then added, "With everything."

I could hear kids screaming and I suddenly wished I was back with Saoirse. There was the whole trying to save the world thing to deal with right now, though. That was pretty important. The van coughed a few times before it started. I drove away from the camp. I made sure to keep an eye out for any odd phenomenon. The thought made me laugh. In the past two weeks I had met an archangel, a former angel turned stoner, and Lucifer himself. If that didn't classify as odd phenomenon, I didn't know what would. And I still needed to kill one more day before I went to talk to the King of Hell again.

"No. Nothing odd about that at all," I said, laughing. The really odd thing? The fact there wasn't a manic edge to the laughter.

* * *

I had fallen asleep in the front seat of the van; my jacket was pulled over my head and my leg was jammed under the steering wheel. That made it really interesting when the ringing of my cell phone jerked me awake. I scrambled to sit up in the seat and reached for my cell phone.

"… it's the heat of the moment…"

"Yeah?" I said when I got the phone open.

"Pet! How's it going?" Gabriel chirped into the phone.

"I was sleeping. I go talk to Crowley again tomorrow."

"Good, good. Have you been watching the news? A World War II submarine turned up in the middle of a Sea World show."

"Uh-huh," I said. My brain would process this later.

"It wasn't me," he said in a tone that implied he wished it had been.

"Is it getting worse?" He whistled into the phone.

"You bet it is. On the upside we're getting more people to join our little, mm, cause. I finally convinced the muttonheads to help." It took me a minute to fully understand that. He needed to learn not to talk with his mouth full.

"That's great. Maybe we'll stand a chance of figuring this out." I started to put my shoes on.

"Hells yeah, we will. Gonna need another base of operations. The Mystery Spot isn't big enough."

"Yup," I said. Then it hit me. I stopped lacing my shoe up. "Wait. Are you serious about finding a new place?"

"Sure! We can have a secret lair and…" I cut him off. Otherwise, we'd be talking about code words and hidden identities all day.

"Gabriel, if you're serious I may know just the place," I said as I started up the van. "How about a summer camp?"

"That would be excellent."

"Right. The name of the place is Camp Rainbowshine and it's outside of Philadelphia."

"Woo-hoo! You picked a winner! Lucifer will love that," he said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'll go check it out again. Can you take care of the details?"

"Don't you worry about that, kiddo. Let me handle it."

"Good. I'll call back later. You all behave." He didn't answer, just laughed and hung up. I rolled my eyes at the ceiling and pulled the van onto the road. _Camp Rainbowshine, here I come,_ I thought.


	7. We Acquire A Camp and Reluctant Allies

***Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. If I did, it'd probably look more like this.

* * *

Chapter Seven: _We Acquire A Camp, Reluctant Allies, and A Triceratops Takes Umbrage At The Mystery Spot_

All the kids had gone home by the time I got back to the camp. There was still a good amount of activity, however. The camp counselors were cleaning up the mess from yesterday's end of summer bake sale and craft fair. No one paid much attention to me as I wandered about. I tried to find either Amanda or Allie but gave up after about five minutes.

"Excuse me?" I asked, approaching a woman with blonde hair. "I'm looking for Allie or Amanda. Do you know where they are?"

"I think they're cleaning out cabin four. I'll show you," she said and waved me after her. I followed her to a cabin that was painted a grass green. The number four was crooked.

"Hey, Teeny! Amanda! Someone's here to see you." They looked up from folding sheets.

"You're back. Did you get lost again?" Amanda asked.

"This time it was on purpose, actually. I kind of have something to talk to you about."

"Oh? What is it?" Allie looked a little concerned.

"Well…" This was the hard part. I liked these girls. More and more I was finding people I felt that way about. I didn't want them to get eaten by dinosaurs. Exactly how much did I tell them? "I think a friend of mine is going to buy the camp."

"What? Why?"

"Seriously?"

"You're joking."

They were all looking at me. I weighed my options. I was here because it had seemed like a good idea to offer them a 'job' staying at the camp. I didn't want them to lose the sense of belonging they'd found, but I really hadn't thought things through. I was a terrible lair. The truth would have to do. I just hoped no one fainted.

"Yes, seriously. It's a little complicated thought. First, I know you two really love it here. Anyone else feel that way?"

"I do," said the blonde woman. "And there are others, too." Amanda looked thoughtful.

"Like Zena, Kelly, and Teri."

"Okay. Go get them and bring them back here. I'll explain everything."

Allie and Amanda hurried out of the cabin. While they were gone, I took the time to get to know my companion, Diane. It seemed she was sort of the mother hen out of the group and really did feel the same way about the camp. She was in the middle of telling me a story about some massive canoe catastrophe when Allie and Amanda came back with a group of girls. I was really wishing they were still wearing name tags. I wasn't sure I could keep track of an extra six people.

"This is Skip, guys. She says she knows someone who is going to buy the camp," Allie said.

"It's true," I said over the questions they had immediately started asking. Everyone got quiet. I took a deep breath.

"First, it wouldn't be a summer camp anymore. It would be year round and it wouldn't be for kids. You'd be welcome to stay on though." I looked at my silent audience.

"What do you mean it wouldn't be for kids?" Allie asked.

"This is where it gets a little weird. Have any of you been watching the news? Have you seen what's going on?" As soon as those words left my mouth they all started talking again.

"Yes! Something weird is going on."

"Maybe it's aliens," someone suggested.

"No, they don't exist! This isn't 'The X-Files'."

"It's probably some virus outbreak."

"Then how do you explain the submarine, Kate?"

"It's got to be some kind of time vortex."

"Yeah, but what's causing it? Demons?"

"Demons aren't that powerful…"

"Whoa, wait!" That had brought me out of my stupor. "You guys believe in demons and things like that?" They all looked slightly embarrassed.

"It's possible," a girl who I was pretty sure was named Randi said.

"Yeah, there's all kinds of lore about demons and time travel _is_ theoretically possible," another girl added.

"Sorry, what's your name?" I needed to start clearing that up.

"I'm Zena."

"You're right, Zena. Well. Kind of. It's not demons. We're not sure what it is but that's what we're trying to figure out." Again; silence.

"Are you saying demons are real? How do you know?" asked Amanda.

"I've met one. A couple angels as well."

"Are you _serious_?" They all were staring at me with what I had to assume was wonder. It was better than blatant disbelief.

"Yes." There was a chorus of 'I knew it's. I had to blink a few times.

"Well. Uh…That's not really important, though. The point is...The point is the…person who is going to buy the camp has a plan. We're going to use the camp as a base of operations. Honestly, things are going to get bad but…" I didn't know what else to say. 'You could possibly die' was not really that appealing. I spread my hands and shrugged.

"So," Allie said in her soft voice, "You and your friends are going to try to save the world?"

"Yeah, pretty much. You're welcome to stay here, if you want but I'll understand if you don't. It'll be dangerous."

"I'm in," she said. There was no hesitation. Within seconds, everyone was agreeing.

"I'm not going to pass up the chance to help save the world and get to stay here," Amanda nodded.

"Damn straight." I smiled at Zena.

"That was easier that I thought it would be," I said, letting out a sigh, "Now here's what's next…"

* * *

"Oh my god! Is it really called Camp Rainbowshine?" Marissa shouted excitedly into the phone. I held it away from my ear.

"Yes!" I shouted in the general direction of the phone.

"That is so great! Ah! I can't even!" It seemed like she had composed herself, as much as she ever was. I put the phone back to my ear.

"You'll love it once you get there. Tell Gabriel I have the girls setting up some defenses. It should be interesting."

"Mm-hm. You're going back to Crowley's today?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm about to go now." I was sitting in the van, parked down the block from the King of Hell's house like last time. "I'm just going to focus on not getting killed."

"Pfft. Teddy bear!"

"Evil, murderous teddy bear. Like that toy I had as a kid. Teddy Ruxpin. You put a tape in it and it told stories. It gave me nightmares," I said, shuddering.

"Oh…Wow, Amanda."

"Just shut it, you." She laughed.

"Good luck!"

"Thanks. I'll call you after I'm done here," I said and hung up.

I wasn't quite as nervous approaching the gate to Crowley's this time. That didn't stop me from taking a few deep breaths before I pushed the call button.

"Hm?"

"It's Amanda again, sir."

"Ah, of course." The gate slid open and I walked up to the house trying not to be obvious about operation shark watch. I started to knock but the door was pulled open. I quickly lowered my hand so as not to seem too awkward. I was tall for a girl so Crowley (or rather whoever he was wearing) was just an inch or two taller than me but he gave the impression of towering over me. I gave a weak smile.

"Hello. I'm hope not interrupting anything." My imagination was all over the place with what I _could_ be interrupting. Who knew with a demon and an angel.

"Not particularly. We were expecting you, after all." He turned and walked down the hall. He didn't ask me follow, he just expected it.

"Of course. That's good to know," I said taking a seat on the same stool as last time. I decided to get straight to the point; this was not the time for small talk. "I'm sure you've come to a decision."

"Yes." He poured a glass of Scotch, and then tipped the bottle in my direction.

"No, thank you, sir. I'll be driving later."

"Right. I don't often deal with humans except for business purposes. I forgot you have to stick to the more mundane ways of travel," he said. I nodded. "I suppose you're here on business of a sort."

"You could say that. Are you going to help us?" I might have been too straight forward. "Sir?" I added quickly.

"I don't like making a habit of helping when there's nothing to be gained. It tends to end badly for me."

"Well," I said frowning and tried to come up with a response. I knew about his tailor.

"However," he said before I could say anything, "the angel has fixated on the idea of a pet zombie dinosaur. I have to admit, it may help keep the idiots at bay."

"I'm sorry. You actually have a problem with idiots bothering you here?"

"Yes. I can't explain it other than to think they're masochists on top of idiots."

"That's probably accurate. Hopefully a dinosaur will be drastic enough."

"I would have thought a shark qualified as drastic. Alas." He paused to take a sip of his drink. "That's why I agreed to Gabriel's idea."

"It sounds like a reasonable plan. If it actually works."

"Thank you." Sometimes I could be a bit dense but even I caught the sarcasm.

"I just mean that stupidity has a way of being incredibly persistent." I shrugged and waited. He leveled me with a cool look.

"It's almost impressive." That was often my thought though I rarely voiced. I grinned.

"Stupidity is impressive in its ability to thrive and be completely oblivious at the same time. If people were antelope, a lion would have made them lunch by now." He snorted into his glass.

"Or a hellhound," he added with a tone that suggested he knew that one from experience. I wouldn't have been surprised.

"There is that." My mind wandered to thoughts of exactly what hellhounds ate. Was it just the soul or the body too? Crowley cleared his throat. If I wanted to live, I should probably pay more attention. "I'm sorry. Anyway, are you saying that you'll help if you get a dinosaur out of it?"

"Precisely."

"Sounds fair enough." I reached into my bag and dug out my battered note book and pen. "Any preference on species?"

"What _are_ you doing?" He eyed the pen and note book.

"I'm taking notes, sir. I like to be thorough." I also in no way wanted to screw up his wishes. He looked a little taken aback.

"This is a pleasant surprise. Very few people seem to put effort into anything they do."

"I'm smart enough to know which situations I should pay attention to. This is one of them, despite my earlier lapse."

"Excellent. Back to your original question; raptors are quite nice." I wrote: NOTE! Crowley will help in exchange for a raptor. Hopefully it likes eating idiots. I may have quickly drawn a stick figure being eaten as well.

"Got it," I said, adding another exclamation point.

"It's settled, then. Gabriel and I will give what help we can." Meaning they'd help when they felt like it.

"Thank you very much, sir. I know you don't like to get involved so I appreciate it."

"Considering what I generally have to put up with this has been fairly pleasant," he said. I didn't blame him for the tone of surprise.

"I do try. I was taught to always respect my betters. Plus, I have to admit you scare me." I believe in full disclosure.

"Hn. As you should be," he said. I paled. "Not that you have anything to worry about at the moment but a little fearful reverence never hurt anyone."

"No," I said trying not to sound nervous, "I'd rather think it's the other way around."

"Indeed. I also wouldn't have needed to replace my rug." I wasn't going to ask him to go into detail.

"There is always that, sir." I glanced around the kitchen. "Where is Gabriel?"

"I'm sure he's around somewhere." With an angel 'somewhere' could be anywhere, literally. "At least where ever he is, it's not my property he is destroying."

"That happens often, does it?"

"More often than it should, really. He painted on my Da Vinci walls."

"Oh…" Obviously this was very upsetting to him, so I was very careful not to show any hint of amusement. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I've learned to tolerate it," he said. I wondered if tolerate was really the right word.

"I suppose it's for the best." He snorted and we sat in silence while he finished his drink. Sitting quietly in a demon's kitchen was one of those experiences I don't think I could put into words. It was rather like playing the 'Quiet Game' for infinite stakes. I waited for him to speak first.

"I'm sure you have people who are anxious to hear how things went here." Of course he would assume I'm reporting back to people. No reason to be paranoid, I told myself.

"Yes. They probably want to know if I've become hellhound chow," I said, laughing a little.

"You're not quite to the level of stupidity Aziraphale usually dines on." Talk about damning praise. I would take what I could get. We both stood up and headed to the front door.

"That's good to hear," I said as we walked, "It's not so much being fed to a hellhound as being an idiot that concerns me."

"One usually leads to the other." He opened the door and I stepped out. "If you need to contact us, feel free to have them send you."

"I'll do that, sir. Have a good day."

He huffed and closed the door, barely missing me. I waited until I was back in the van before I called Marissa. The phone rang for awhile which was unusual. She normally answered by the second or third ring. I frowned and was about to hang up when she answered.

"Yeah?" She sounded out of breath. I could hear a loud crash.

"Marissa, what's going on?"

"Uh…Well, a triceratops just charged the office. Ah!" There were some shouts in the background. I thought I could make out Lucifer yelling 'duck'. "Uh-oh."

"Um, Marissa?"

There were more crashing sounds and a scuffling noise.

"Marissa?"

A loud explosion followed by what sounded like a giant water balloon bursting.

"…Marissa?"

"I'll go get a mop and bucket," she said finally. I got the impression she had half-forgotten she was still holding the phone.

"Is everything alright?"

"What? Oh. Yes. Lucifer exploded it. Eww…" She trailed off.

"No one got hurt?" I thought I'd make sure.

"No, no. Everyone's fine. Uh, the boss is a little upset at the damage." I could almost hear her shrug. "How did it go with Crowley?"

"He's going to help us as long as we give him a raptor," I said. She started laughing.

"Does he want one wearing a party hat?" I'd forgotten about that.

"I don't think he's in on the joke yet and something tells me he's not that party hat type."

"Unless Gabriel makes him wear one."

"…I'm just going to stop you there, okay?"

"But it's cute!" I paused.

"It is, but not something I want to imagine right now. When will you guys be heading up here?"

"Probably in the next couple of days. Just need to take care of few things I guess." She was shouting to be heard over the sudden rise in background noise. It sounded like Gabriel and Lucifer were arguing over something.

"Great! Gabriel took care of the whole buying the camp thing?"

"Well…I don't think he actually bought it but it's his now. Um...Oh, that's not going to end well."

"Right. I'll see you soon. Say hi to everyone for me."

"Okay! I really got to go. They're fighting. Buh-bye!" she said hurriedly. _Ah, brotherly love_, I thought. At least this time I didn't actually have to think of a way to kill time. I had things I needed to do. First on my list was teaching the girls how to build catapults.


	8. Dean Obsesses Over Gabriel's Ass

***Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. Everyone else I bought off eBay.

* * *

Chapter Eight: _Gabriel Is Unimpressive, Dean Has An Obsession, and Castiel Wonders What A Wank Is_

* * *

"Glorious." Gabriel rubbed his hands together, a giant grin playing across his face. "This will do nicely."

We were standing outside the camp, looking up at the freshly painted sign.

"Rainbowshine," Lucifer said as if the word left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Really, brother? Really?"

"Groovy colors. I like it," Cas said approvingly.

"See what I mean?" Lucifer gave Gabriel a look of triumph.

"It's fine. Look! That blue one will match your eyes," he said with a snicker.

Lucifer glowered. He was very good at it. Gabriel, however, had built up an immunity to Lucifer's evil looks.

"It's actually a very lovely shade," Marissa added. I nodded. She was right.

The two of us had not built up an immunity to Lucifer's glowering and therefore were trying very hard not to cringe at the look he turned on us.

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss." Christina gave him a sweet smile.

He looked conflicted for a moment and then smiled at her. "Fine. I suppose this will be adequate."

"Just remember we're supposed to be saving the world not trying to take it over." I had the feeling Gabriel was only half-joking.

"If I take over, the world wouldn't need saving."

"I thought Armageddon was all raining fire and seas of blood?" I asked.

"That's what I said."

"Oh."

"Uh…"

"Awkward."

"Huh? What's going on?"

"Nothing, Cas," I said. "Just look at the pretty colors."

I was excited to show them around the camp. I had put every ounce of knowledge I gleaned from zombie movies and playing D&D to use in fortifying the defenses. Granted, some of it might be practical but nothing says serious business like flaming oil. The girls had been enthusiastic to all the changes. Reports had been springing up all over of strange phenomenon which most people seemed willing to write-off as global warming or 'drug crazed World of Warcraft players'.

It was probably for the best.

Gabriel whistled. "You've sure done a lot in just a few days, pet."

"I had help. The girls are really eager."

"Excellent, excellent."

"Can I have a green one?" asked Marissa.

"I want a purple one," Christina chimed in.

"I have no problems with sharing," Cas said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes, trying my best to mimic Gabriel, and said, "Alright. Maybe we should get everyone together for a group meeting?"

Everyone nodded in agreement. "Okay, meet me in the mess hall in ten. It's the big building in the middle."

It didn't take long for the word to spread. The rumors said that a flock of angels and the devil were in camp. For once the rumor mill was close to being right though I was pretty sure two angels didn't constitute as a flock. I was also pretty sure angels didn't travel in flocks. Everyone was gathered around a few tables looking up at us. I couldn't stop the warm feeling that was creeping into my chest as I looked at the rag-tag group.

There's always that awkward moment in any group when you're all waiting for someone else to talk first. I was not going to be that person.

Gabriel cleared his throat and said in a stage whisper, "Let me handle this."

He stopped leaning against the table, straightened his jacket, and spread his arms.

"I am an angel of the lord," he said dramatically.

This statement was greeted with silence.

"You know, when I did that, it was much more impressive," said Cas.

"Just explode someone, brother; it will get the point across."

Marissa looked like she thought Lucifer might decide to explode her.

"No, no. Not necessary!" I said. He looked disappointed.

"Which one are you?" Allie asked, raising her hand.

"Gabriel. I'm Gabriel." There was a hint of smugness in his voice.

It took a good twenty minutes to get things settled down. Everyone was appropriately awed and frightened by Lucifer. By Cas's all too interested look I knew at least he would have no problem moving into a camp full of girls. I foresaw problems but we had bigger issues to deal with.

"So we really are going to be fighting monsters?" asked Emily.

"Just like I said. That's why we've been fixing up the camp."

"Awesome," Zena said.

"We should have a name," added Amanda.

"Oh, like superheroes!" Christina was on the same page as me.

"That would be pretty cool."

Lucifer shot us both dirty looks. "No."

"It wouldn't be too bad," Gabriel said, his bottom lip stuck out in thought. "I could get a cape."

"That would look good on you."

"Thanks, pet."

"We could be the Rainbowshine Warriors," Allie interjected.

"Defiantly not." Lucifer looked mortified.

"I like it." Marissa and Allie grinned at each other.

"It's settled, then." Gabriel clapped his hands.

"Let's get started."

* * *

A lot can happen in a week. The camp had become a hub of activity and people were trickling in, attracted by word of mouth. At this time not even the media could keep ignoring everything that was happening around the world. There were outbreaks in towns across the country, not to mention the Mary Celeste had appeared in Central Park which was causing all manner of speculation. I was listening to Gabriel recount the story for about the third time.

"It takes a ship dropping in the middle of New York for those yahoos to believe me," he was saying. This was new to me.

"Huh?"

"Sam and Dean?" Marissa asked. She looked swamped in paper work that she never seemed to be able to explain where it came from but always ended up on her desk.

"Oh, right. I thought they were already helping?"

"Apparently they had more important things to do."

"Like…?" I asked.

"No idea but it wasn't my fault," he added at Marissa's look.

"This time."

"Hey, that was just the once!"

"Twice."

"Okay, okay."

"Heh, I remember those stories," I said. Gabriel metaphorically fluffed his feathers. Or maybe he really did, who knows.

"It was some of my better work," he said. "Anyway, they should be here in a few hours."

"Wha!" Marissa scrambled out of her chair. "I need to clean the kitchen and fix up a cabin and oh god."

She raced out of the cabin and Gabriel watched some of the papers float lazily to the floor. He snapped them back to the table.

"I think it might be time to decrease her work load," he mused.

"She kind of has her hands full with all the kitchen duties," I said.

"Isn't Cas helping?"

I didn't say anything; I just raised my eyebrows. Over the time that I had known Gabriel, I had begun to look up to him like a surrogate father and did my best to take after him. That included his little mannerisms.

"Yeah, good point. We should do something about it."

"Allie got her a new broom. It's all good."

Gabriel grinned and I knew there was no need to explain what she was using the broom for.

"Ah…glorious."

I left when Gabriel headed off to warn Lucifer about the incoming Winchesters. Apparently there was a long story behind their relationship involving the apocalypse but I never heard it in an order that made sense. I decided to check in on Marissa. She had somehow taken over most of the kitchen duties and in an effort to keep Cas out of trouble he'd been delegated to be her helper. This was a mixed blessing. It did give Cas something to do for the most part. On the other hand, it often caused Marissa no end of frustration. When I got closer to the mess hall, I saw Allie standing outside warning people away.

I gave her a wave as I approached. She waved back.

"You don't want to go in there."

"That bad?"

"Oh…Oh, yeah. He tried to cook."

The last time Cas had tried to cook was actually the second day in camp and he had smoked out the entire mess hall. Afterward, most of the camp was overcome with the giggles and a bad case of the munchies. Cas denied adding any 'extra' ingredients.

"Uh-oh." From inside the mess hall we could her plenty of yelling.

"I hope she doesn't break the broom again," said Allie. The door behind her flew open and she went flying with it. I caught her before she could fall.

"Stop, stop!" Cas shouted as he ran out with his hands over his head to fend off Marissa's broom attack. "I surrender!"

"You melted my pan! How do you even do that?" she yelled back.

He gave a sheepish grin and said, "Talent?"

"Fuuu! Cas!" She swung the broom but he dodged out of the way.

"I think it's time to make your hasty retreat," I said to him.

"Good idea!" He could be exceedingly fast when he wanted to be, especially when threatened with physical violence.

Marissa continued to stare in his direction. If anyone needed to be able to shoot lasers from their eyes, it was her.

"We'll get you a new pan."

"Why? Why does he even…? Gah."

"Uh…" Allie and I shared a shrug.

"No idea."

She sighed; shoulders slumped, and dropped the broom. "That's it. I'm done."

"Guys, guys!" We turned to see Christina jogging up, arms waving. "They're almost here!"

There was no need to ask who she meant. It didn't take long for us to make our way to the front gate. We heard the engine of the car before it pulled into the camp. The classic car looked exceedingly out of place next to the painted bus and station wagon. Three people got out of the car. The first two I didn't know but the man in the trench coat was a familiar, albeit cleaner, version of the Cas I knew.

"Which one is which?" Christina asked.

"Uh, the tall one is Sam and the stumpy one is Dean," Marissa said as they approached us.

Dean stopped under the sign. His screwed up as he read it.

"Camp Rainbowshine?" he said in a tone of utter disbelief. "Seriously? Could it be anymore gay?"

"I'm not sure, Dean. It does look like a fairly happy place," said angelic Cas.

"Uh, I don't think that's what he meant, Cas," Sam said.

"Yeah. No."

"Then I'm not sure what you mean," he said, tilting his head to the side.

"Just…nevermind," Dean said then noticed the group of us for the first time. He pointed at Marissa. "Hey!"

She let out a squeak and tried to hide behind me.

"You're Gabriel's secretary, right?"

"Uh…er…Intern, actually."

"I'm pretty sure they don't say 'secretary' anymore," Christina said.

"Yeah, what do they say now?" I asked, ignoring the confused looks from the three newcomers.

"Administrative assistant," said Allie.

"Not to interrupt girl time or anything but isn't there another freaking apocalypse going on?"

We turned back to them.

"Right, sorry. Let's go."

On our way to see Gabriel we gave the Winchesters a brief tour of the camp. I did my best to make sure we avoided running into the other Cas. Luckily, he seemed to have gone into hiding after the encounter with Marissa. By the time we reached Gabriel's cabin I could tell they were growing concerned. Maybe we should have gotten rid of the matching Rainbowshine Warriors t-shirts.

"So…Let me get this straight," Sam said as we stopped in front of the cabin. "You guys fight zombies out of here?"

"Yeah."

"It's a summer camp," he duh'd.

"But we fortified it," Christina said.

"And built catapults," Allie added.

"Right." Sam gave his brother a bewildered look.

"Oh, this is good…" Dean trailed off.

"Hey, I watched a lot of zombie movies." I felt the need to defend my hard work.

"Yeah, that makes me feel so much better."

"It's always bitch and moan with you two," Gabriel said from the porch.

"Hey, you're the one who dragged us out here to your…" Dean struggled to find the proper insult before saying, "your kiddie-ville."

Even Sam pulled a bitch-face at that.

"Implied pedophilia aside," Gabriel said, "it's not like you had anything more important going on."

"We have…stuff."

"Wendigos don't count."

"Whatever, feathered ass-crack."

"Prematurely balding sasquatch."

"They do this often," Castiel offered. Marissa nodded; she knew first hand.

"Somehow I'm not surprised," I said to him. "Hey, can you two stop bickering like an old married couple so we can get to the saving the world thing?"

"That's harsh, pet. Harsh."

"It's wrong, is what it is," Dean said.

Wrong or not it got both of them to shut up long enough for us to spell out all the details we had gathered. It wasn't much. There didn't seem to be any sort of pattern to the outbreaks despite how hard we looked. The map full of pushpins marking outbreaks Lucifer had used to play connect-the-dots, much to Gabriel's dismay. I was slightly impressed he was able to draw Gabriel as a platypus so convincingly. Our best source of information at this point was Google. We were always keeping an eye out for any zombie risings we could quell. Dean and Sam still didn't look very impressed.

"Seriously? This is all you got?" Dean asked. We were sitting around the table in Gabriel's cabin. It had become our situation room.

"You think you can do better?" Gabriel had that look that meant he was plotting something and looking for an excuse.

"It's just that we don't even know what's behind it," Sam said interrupting whatever retort Dean had been about to make.

"We thought we'd just keep Googling stuff until we had one of those 'Get This' moments," Allie said.

"Solid plan," agreed Marissa.

"Yup."

Sam frowned, his brows knitting together and forming wrinkles across his considerable forehead. He and Dean looked at each other. Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"We're royally screwed," he said, pulling a hand down his face.

"Oy!" Christina said. "We're trying at least."

"Yeah, right. Er, not to mention we at least asked for help," Marissa said. She looked vaguely surprised she had said anything at all.

Her words reminded me of something.

"What about Crowley? Don't tell me I went through all of that for nothing," I said. Not that it had been so horrible but I still worried about hellhounds.

"Crowley?" I thought Dean had used up his repertoire of disgusted faces but he was making a pretty amazing one now.

"Uh oh." Marissa tugged on Gabriel's sleeve.

"Forgot about that," he said.

"No way. We worked with him once and that's it," Sam said.

"He didn't seem _that_ bad. He had a shark." Everyone gave me a blank look. Well. It made sense to me.

"That bad? He's a demon, lady," Dean said as if that summed up his entire point.

I shrugged. "We could still use all the help we can get."

"Forget it."

"He's not going to want to work with you either," Gabriel said.

"Like I care what that ass wants."

"Uh, guys?"

"What's with you and the ass fixation, there bucko?"

"Guys."

"You're an ass fixation."

"I believe the red-haired girl has something to say," Castiel said.

"Thanks. My point is why do they have to work together? They don't even need to be in the same room."

"She's right," Gabriel said to no one in particular.

"So, what would we be doing?" Sam asked.

"Hunting things, mainly," Christina said. "It's what we do."

"Yeah," said Sam awkwardly. "Us too."

The door to the cabin banged open and everyone but Gabriel jumped. That tends to happen when you live with the perpetual fear something may eat your face. It was highly doubtful that Emily was going to eat anyone's face unless she had been zombified. Since she seemed out of breath, it was safe to say she was still living. She slapped a piece of paper with a map on it down on the table.

"Phew. So. In the past few days there have been incidents here," Emily said pointing to the print out, "Tumbling Run Game Preserve."

"What kind of incidents?" Even Sam and Dean looked interested.

"Weird sightings, damage to park buildings and animals killed. Plus, two hunters went missing."

I looked at the map, determining how close it was to us.

"Is that all you got?" Dean asked. Emily gave him a rueful look.

"No. A hunter claims he was attacked by a dinosaur. They took him to a hospital in the city."

"Oh…"

"That's bad," Allie said.

Marissa added, "Bad, very bad."

"Why exactly is that bad?" I frowned at Sam.

"Have you ever seen a zombie movie?" I asked.

There was silence for a moment then Dean said, "Right. So, we go in, make sure it doesn't turn anyone, and burn the body."

"Well," Gabriel said, leaning back with his hands behind his head and his feet on the table, "It sounds like you two got this covered."

"Yeah, and what is your angelic ass going to be doing?"

"Why are you so concerned with my ass, chuckles?"

"We'll take out the dinosaurs, okay?" I practically screamed at them. I felt my face turn red as everyone exchanged glances. Marissa gave me a reassuring pat on the arm and Emily cleared her throat.

"It's only two and a half hours away," she said.

"So if we leave now we'll get there around…" I paused to math it out.

"Six o'clock," Marissa answered.

"Time for a wank," said Allie.

Castiel frowned. "I don't understand, what is a wank?"

"We're so screwed," Dean reiterated.

"That's oddly accurate," I agreed. "Now let's go kill some dinosaurs."


	9. We Enter Battle Crowley Gets A Raptor

***Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. This is the worst in crack!fic. Read at your own risk.

* * *

_Chapter Nine: We Enter Battle and Crowley Gets His Raptor_

* * *

After the Winchesters and Castiel drove off in the Impala, classic rock blaring, we started loading up the station wagon and the jeep. We made a slightly less impressive sight as we pulled out of the camp, blasting Europe's 'Final Countdown'. The trip went a lot smoother than I had really expected but that was probably because we made Gabriel and Lucifer ride in separate cars. If you let them ride together something or someone always ended up on fire. The local police had set up roadblocks in an effort to keep people out. Roadblocks, however, mean nothing if you have two archangels who like Star Wars with you. We parked in a picnic area and clambered out.

"So," I said once everyone was out of the vehicles, "what's the plan?"

"Hm. I say the 'Let's split up, gang' plan," Gabriel said.

"I was going to suggest using someone as bait. Perhaps you, brother?" said Lucifer.

"How about we use that cooler full of meat for bait since that's why we have it?" I offered.

"And if it prefers its meat more lively?" Lucifer looked so hopeful that I almost hated to tell him no. Luckily, I didn't have to be the one.

"We can just…jiggle it," Marissa said.

"Fine," he said pouting a little.

Emily had been designated the map keeper and was pouring over it. She set it on the hood of the jeep and tapped a section that was circled.

"This is the area that seems to have the most activity."

"Is that a road out that way?" Allie asked, peering at the map.

"Yeah, looks like," Gabriel confirmed.

"I bet we could take the jeep out there but the station wagon wouldn't make it," I said.

"Then let's load it up with the essentials and light this candle," Gabriel said eagerly. I nodded, trying to mimic his facial expression but I hadn't got the eyebrow waggle down yet.

It took a bit of maneuvering to fit all seven people and the supplies into the jeep but we managed. Cas was disappointed that no one needed to sit on his lap. Marissa and Allie shared a seat while Christina looked comfortable in Lucifer's lap. I was driving with Gabriel and Cas crammed in the front. Emily had the middle in the back relatively to herself. The bumpy road made the ride less than ideal but it only lasted around ten minutes before we got to the spot marked on the map.

Getting out of a cramped space is always harder than getting in but we managed to do so with only minimal singeing to someone's clothes. We gathered all our supplies, Cas slinging a rifle over his shoulder. The sight was fitting despite knowing what he was really like. Seeing Emily with a shot gun was not what I'd call fitting, however. The only people who weren't armed were the angels. Even Marissa, Allie, and Christina had their crowbar, cricket bat, and croquet mallet respectively. I slipped my gun into the waistband of my jeans. I had been practicing. Emily and Cas got the short straw and were delegated to stay behind with the jeep. The rest of us trekked into the woods for a while until we found an idea spot to set our cunning trap. Lucifer and Christina took up position in a tree overlooking the clearing were we had placed the meat. Now it was just a matter of waiting for whatever it was to show up.

It only took twenty minutes for Gabriel's patience to wear out.

"Maybe we should send someone out as bait."

"Are you volunteering?" Lucifer asked, suddenly beside us.

"No."

"Come on. I'd like to get out of here. I'm getting grass stains on my suit."

"No!"

"What's going on?" Allie called from across the clearing. She and Marissa were hiding behind a rock.

"No idea," Marissa said to her with a shrug.

"Should we be yelling?" Christina yelled. "It might hear us."

"Um," I said, "Isn't that what we want?"

"Maybe we should, er, make distress calls?" Marissa said flailing her arms around.

"Like a wounded animal," Allie added.

Lucifer looked thoughtful for a moment and then reached over and pinched me. I squealed loudly and glared at him.

"Yeah, like that!"

"Oh, thanks Allie!"

"Welcome!"

"Guys," Christina said, "I think it's working!"

We fell silent. We could hear something coming through the forest towards us. It sounded like a lot of somethings, actually. I pulled my gun from my jeans and held it down like I had seen in all the cop movies. Marissa and Allie hefted their weapons. The trees on the other side began moving rapidly.

"Christina, can you see anything," I asked.

"Oh, yes! It's those velociraptors! A whole lot of them."

"Can you define 'a whole lot'?" Gabriel yelled.

"Lots!"

"Right, kiddo!"

"We need one!" Everyone else was shouting; I figured I'd join in.

"One what?" Gabriel's eyebrows were trying to meet his hairline.

"A raptor!"

"Well," Marissa said matter-of-factly, "I think we found some."

"Great, Crowley will be pleased," I mumbled. I wasn't very pleased myself. To everyone I called, "Make sure we keep one alive!"

"That really shouldn't be a problem," Christina said.

Seconds later, at least two dozen raptors flooded the clearing. If Romero had done Jurassic Park, it probably would have looked something like this. Some of them went straight for the meat but the rest apparently did prefer their meat more lively and came at us. Marissa and Allie hopped up on the rock and swung at any that came near them. I fired off a few shots but Gabriel and Lucifer were much more effective. They were so effective that after exploding the first five raptors they decided to make it into a game. I decided my best option would be to try to hide behind Gabriel though he wasn't making it easy for me.

"Stand still!"

"Why?" he asked trying to turn to face me but another raptor had made its appearance. He snapped his fingers and it had a mouthful of peanut butter. I didn't realize that worked on raptors as well as dogs and small children.

"I'm trying to hide behind you!"

Before he could answer Christina shouted from the tree, "Incoming!"

More raptors swarmed in. Allie whacked one hard enough with her cricket bat that it slammed into a nearby tree. Another one tried to bite her from the other side of the rock but Marissa was quicker. Holding the crowbar over her head, she swung it down on the raptor and shouted, "Hands off the Allie!"

The crowbar's hook went right through the raptor's skull and stuck there. Marissa made a disgusted face and twitched her eye before shaking it off.

"Why are they so squishy?"

"You got some red on you," Allie said as way of reply.

"Oh. Gross."

I had been distracted by watching the two of them that I didn't see the raptor come up behind me. Christina was more observant than I. Her croquet mallet went flying through the air right into the raptor and barely missing my head.

"Thanks, sis!"

"No problem! I got your back." She winked at me.

"Hey, um, some help?" Marissa was waving frantically. In a matter of moments, the rock had become almost completely surrounded and they were doing their best to keep the savage beasts at bay.

"Coming, muffin!" Gabriel said and reached out to touch Lucifer who had a look on his face as though he'd just been pulled off stage by a hook. The two angels disappeared only to reappear in front of the rock. Gabriel was using Lucifer as a shield.

"Hands off the Prada, Gabriel!"

"I'll buy you a new suit. Something to match your eyes. Pomegranate, maybe."

"I'll kill you."

"Wouldn't be the first time, bro." While they were holding off the raptors from the front, I tried to sneak in from behind. I rounded a tree and found myself face to with three raptors. I raised my gun but it clicked on the empty chamber. I sighed.

"Blunt weapons don't need reloading," I quoted to myself.

I was preparing to be eaten when the raptors stopped and looked to the side. I wasn't that adept at reading raptor facial expressions but even I caught the 'Oh, shit' look. I heard the noise before I actually saw what was coming. The jeep was barreling through the sparse woods with Cas at the helm. Emily was in the passenger seat, her face mimicking the raptors'. Cas had a manic grin and was shouting, "High ho!"

The jeep crashed into the raptors throwing two of them into the air and pinning the third to the tree behind it. I was in the process of standing back up when Emily jumped out in front of me. She pumped her shotgun and blasted one of the raptors that was slowly making its way back to us.

"I got it!" she said grinning at me.

"Hells yeah!" We high-fived. It seemed appropriate.

"Looks like you're going to owe me one, sweetheart," Cas said as he walked towards us with a swagger. I just rolled my eyes and looked back to the clearing. Gabriel and Lucifer seemed to have taken care of most of them despite the fact they were more focused on their brotherly banter.

"You called me a bag of dicks," Lucifer was saying.

"Well, Luci, you kind of are." Instead of responding, Lucifer grabbed one of the remaining raptors and hurled it at Gabriel who turned it into a chicken.

"Hey!" Gabriel looked indignant.

"That was for the unicorn!"

"Are you still mad about that?" Marissa and Allie had left the rock and where making their way towards the middle, occasionally stopping to bludgeon a raptor's head in.

"I think we got them all," Marissa said before Lucifer could answer Gabriel's question.

"Crap. I'm pretty sure Crowley wanted one alive." I frowned at the nearest corpse and considered my options.

"Well, technically they weren't alive to start," Christina said. "Lucifer, can you get me down now?"

"Of course, Chrissey." He was under the tree with his arms up. "Jump, I'll catch you."

If Lucifer had asked me to trust that he'd catch me, I'm not a hundred percent sure I would but Christina had no hesitation. She jumped and, true to his word, he caught her before she hit the ground. Marissa had wandered over to examine the damage done to the jeep and was poking the raptor pinned to the tree with a stick.

"I think it's still alive," she said. It snapped at her. "Definitely still alive."

"Don't kill it!"

"How exactly are we going to get it to Crowley's?" Emily asked.

I hadn't thought about that.

"Uh…"

"I could snap it to his house," Lucifer said. He looked delighted at the prospect.

"I don't think he'd enjoy a raptor materializing on his head."

"Come on, Dandelion," he said. Between the pet name and the charming smile, I almost caved. It came down to who I was more frightened of and Crowley won that battle.

"No. We'll figure something else out."

"Like…?"

"We could tie it to the roof," Marissa suggested. I nodded.

"That would work."

"Only problem with that plan," Cas chimed in. We all turned to him.

I narrowed my eyes. "Which would be what?"

"I may have broken the jeep."

"Oh great!"

"I could've let you get eaten."

"It's the fact you thought your only option was crashing the jeep into a tree to help me."

"It worked." I resisted to the urge to pull my hair and settled with taking deep breaths. I looked over the jeep as best I could while keeping away from the raptor.

"Actually, I think we'll be able to make it back to camp," I said. "Gabriel, could you peanut butter that thing's mouth?"

"Sure thing, pet."

It took us awhile to dispose of the bodies, pack the jeep back up, and tie the raptor to the roof. It looked supremely pissed. I had no doubt that it would enjoy eating anything that came near it after this. The jeep was making rattling noises but it still drove. Once we were back to the station wagon, we all started to get into our separate vehicles. Gabriel and Marissa paused to look at the raptor with cocked heads.

"It's like a hood ornament," Marissa said, "except on the roof."

"I feel like it's missing something," said Gabriel. He looked thoughtful which generally was never a good thing.

"It's not very festive for an ornament," she said. A huge grin spread across Gabriel's face.

"I got it," he said and then snapped a party hat onto the raptor's head.

"Perfect, boss."

* * *

Generally speaking, planning was not our group's specialty. We were very much the type of people who went with the flow even when the fate of the world was at stake. I had the foresight, however, to call ahead to the camp and ask Amanda to find me a large dog cage. Our lives being what they were she didn't even ask me what I needed it for. She and Lauren were a little surprised to find out that it was for a raptor that looked as if it was heading to a birthday party but they helped me load it on to a trailer. I covered it with a tarp to prevent anyone from asking questions. I wouldn't have bothered but I was going alone and I couldn't do any nifty Jedi mind tricks.

When I pulled up in front of Crowley and his Gabriel's house, I actually felt less frightened than I had before. After all, I thought as I walked towards the gate, I had made good on my promise to get Crowley a raptor. He wouldn't be inclined to kill me after that. Well. Unless he wanted to take the raptor for a test drive but I pushed that thought out of my mind. The gate was open so I went up to the front door and knocked. I heard some thumping and then Gabriel flung the door open.

"Mandybear!" He exclaimed. "You came back."

Let me explain one thing: I'm not fond of my name. I never have been. I especially dislike being called Mandy or any variation of but I wasn't about to argue and coming from him it wasn't too horrible.

"Hi Gabriel," I said with a wave. "I did." He stood aside to let me in and I was very glad my shoes were clean.

"What brings you to our lovely abode this time?" he asked as we walked toward the kitchen.

"I brought Crowley the raptor," I said as we entered the kitchen. Gabriel whistled. He started to say something but was interrupted by slow clapping. We turned to the sound.

"And here I thought I had given you a Herculean task." Crowley was leaning against the doorway. I couldn't help but grin.

"It wasn't easy, sir, but I managed."

"I'm impressed. That's twice now," he said sounding surprised. It was very hard for me to not scuff my shoe and blush like a school kid who just received praise from their favorite teacher.

"Thank you, sir."

"So…," Gabriel said with a sly smile, "Where is this dinosaur?"

"It's outside in a cage on the trailer." He bounced on his heels like an excited kid and rubbed his hands together.

"Spectacular. I'm going to make it breathe fire." Crowley look mortified but this time I really couldn't contain myself.

"That really needs to happen," I said, "It's everything I love."

"Please don't encourage him," Crowley said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Gabriel grinned and winked at me. "Fuck it, I'm adding lasers."

"Words can't explain how much I'd like to see that."

"If you two are done planning the most recent way to give my meat suit a heart attack, can we move onto the business at hand?"

"Whatever you want, buttercup," Gabriel said. He leaned over to me and whispered, "I'll have the blueprints soon."

Crowley narrowed his eyes at the two of us. I immediately wanted to hide but Gabriel took it with aplomb. I supposed he had more practice than I did. "Moving on. I'm surprised you managed to actually acquire a raptor but I'm a demon of my word; We'll help if we can."

"It's appreciated. I think our main hurdle is information. Someone like you would have a better chance at finding out what we need."

"Information? I have my contacts. I'm sure I can pull a few strings."

"Thank you, Cr—Er. Sir."

"I'd say it's acceptable to use my name, darling."

"Oh, okay." I wasn't sure that being given permission would make me feel better. It's a hard habit to break.

"Just don't call him 'Crowles'. I mean, I do but he wouldn't want to get rid of me."

"Don't be too sure, love."

"After last night I'm pretty confident," Gabriel smirked. My face turned about seven shades of red and I raised my hand.

"I'm still here, guys." They both turned to look at me. I put my hand back down. "Just reminding you."

"I remembered, Mandy." Crowley gave a little huff of amusement.

"That was probably his intention," he said.

"Right. Well, thank you very much for that mental image, Gabriel."

"You're welcome." For a moment I wondered if he had realized I was being sarcastic but he had that twinkle in his eye that meant he was up to something. I sighed.

"It's really not worth it," Crowley told me.

"I'm beginning to see that, sir."

"Quick study, that one." Gabriel gave me an approving nod.

"I try. Did you want me to help you with the raptor?" I didn't doubt that the two of them could handle one raptor but I thought it would be polite to offer.

"I'm fairly certain we can handle it, Amanda."

"Alright then. I should probably head back. They might think you fed me to it to make sure it worked or something." They shared another one of those looks. I quickly added, "Not to give you any ideas!"

"Don't worry; I have no intentions of feeding you to anything. I thought we had been over this?" Crowley said, crossing the kitchen and heading towards the hallway. I followed after him with Gabriel trailing behind me.

"We have. I was just making sure."

"He's really a big softie," Gabriel said in my ear, "Just don't tell him I said that." We got to the door and the look on Crowley's face as he opened it made me think that he already he knew what was being said.

"Let me come see the raptor after you make your modifications and it's a deal."

"Deal."

It didn't take Gabriel long to get the cage off the trailer. He was just as excited as kid bringing home a new puppy. It probably amounted to about the same thing. He stuck his fingers in the cage and the raptor tried to bite them off. "It's adorable."

"You and your pets," Crowley huffed.

"You would know." Gabriel gave him the lewdest wink he could manage.

"That's would be my cue," I said and opened up the van's door.

"If I do come across anything relevant, I'll be sure to pass it your way."

"Thanks, Crowley." I shut the door more abruptly than I meant to because I was slightly concerned about him rescinding the invitation to call him by his name. They both stepped back from the van as I drove away, Gabriel waving. I smiled into the rearview mirror. Demons and angels weren't so bad, really.


	10. Cas Gets Collared

***Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters because let's face it; if I did it would be The Gabriel and Crowley Show complete with zombie dinosaurs. Everyone else I bought off eBay.

* * *

Chapter Ten: _Cas Gets Collared_

* * *

Life at the camp had calmed down a bit after our battle with the raptors. We were waiting for Crowley to dig something useful up. In the meantime, we found things to occupy our time. Mostly it was training though Marissa and Allie were busy creating a Broadway musical based on our adventures. I had decided to try my hand at drawing. I frowned at the paper, tapping the pencil on the desk. It wasn't that my drawings were particularly complicated but I did put a certain amount of effort into them. In fact, some of my art was displayed in the camp mess hall. I must have been putting too much thought into the differences between lime green and grass green because suddenly someone was behind me. And they were poking me in the side.

"Hey sweetheart," Cas said as he watched me tumble from my chair. How I didn't hear his drunken approach, I'll never know.

"Cas! I swear you need something to announce your arrival so I'm not always falling over!" I said, picking myself off the floor. "Or tackling you."

"I hardly ever tell anyone I'm coming. That would take all the fun out of it." He grinned at me. There was no arguing with the logic of a drunk.

"I suppose I could just tie a bell around your neck."

"Kinky," he leered, leaning against the dresser. I put my hands on my hips.

"Oh, you won't think so when I actually do it."

"That wouldn't be good for sneaking around zombie monsters from the past." He reached out to grab my drawing but misjudged the distance and stumbled.

"Easy there, tiger," I said, steadying him. He rifled around my desk. I went behind him, fixing the mess. "Don't you have something to do other than harassing me?"

"You like it." He gave me his best 'love guru' face, wink and all. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure. Right." I took the drawing he was looking at from his hands and put it back where it belonged.

"I think I'm going to go mess around with the jeep." Every so often Cas said something that alternatively horrified and amused me; this was one of those times. It came across in my voice.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Drunk," he said earnestly and then added, "I think."

I noted the redness in his eyes. "I'm going to bet its safe to add stoned. Maybe you shouldn't play mechanic right now."

"You shouldn't worry so much, sweetheart. Everything will be fine." He tapped my nose. "I have Jack to keep an eye on me."

"Because drinking more is exactly what you need. You really should wear a bell."

"Good thing we're all out of bells."

I started grinning.

"You stay right there, hot stuff. We're not done."

There's one good thing about being something of a pack rat; almost anything you need can be found in a drawer or box somewhere. It took me awhile to find what I was looking for but I soon had an old cat collar and length of yellow ribbon. I pulled the bell off the collar after considering whether or not I could fit it around his neck. Coming out of the bedroom, I wasn't surprised by the fact my quarry was gone. If there was one thing I could count on, it was Cas doing the opposite of what I told him.

"Time to go avert another disaster," I said letting the door bang closed behind me.

The camp was in its normal state of organized chaos. There was always something going on and I found that comforting. Sure we had to deal with zombified dinosaurs on an almost weekly basis but at least I was part of _something_. That was worth the danger. I made my way to the area where all the vehicles were kept. There weren't many because quite a few people didn't need a car to get where they need to go. I walked around the bus and peeked in the garage. The jeep which had been sitting unused since it had been crashed into a tree and some zombie raptors was gone.

"Oh…Oh crap."

I had no way of knowing where he went and it was useless to try to reason it out. Reason and Cas didn't go together when he was drunk and that was often. As I was nearing the mess hall, I saw Marissa up ahead. I started jogging towards her, waving.

"Marissa! Hey!" She spun around with a little squeak. "You haven't seen Cas, have you?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Why?"

"He took the jeep and I don't know where he went."

"Eep! But I thought the jeep was broken?"

"It was. Apparently Cas is some kind of drunken idiot-savant mechanic. Or insanely lucky." We exchanged worried glances.

"You don't think he could have gotten off the camp grounds, do you?" she asked. I shook my head.

"No idea, but we should ask at the gate." I started walking towards the entrance to the camp. "Who's on gate duty today?"

"Hm. Allie." We were almost to the gate when we heard the crash and the shouts that followed. In unison, Marissa and I let out exasperated sighs. We turned around and headed towards where the noise had come from. Rounding the corner, we ran directly into Christina. She looked frazzled.

"Marissa! Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said grabbing Marissa's hand. "It's your cabin."

"My cabin? What…? Do I want to know?" Christina wrinkled her nose.

"Well, there's a jeep in it." Marissa's face drained of color and her eyes went wide.

"The actual hell? Cas!" She took off running towards her cabin as fast as she could. Once she was out of sight, I burst out laughing.

"Did he really drive the jeep into her cabin?" I asked when I stopped laughing.

"Oh yes," Christina nodded, making a gesture with her hand, "Woosh! Right into the side."

"I told him, but he doesn't listen to me, no. I should go make sure Marissa doesn't beat him with a broom again." My sister giggled at the thought.

"You can't blame her."

"No, I can't but he'll complain to me to about it."

"True. I should go tell the watch we actually aren't being attacked," she said. "Have fun!"

"Right."

When I got to Marissa's cabin, I saw that Christina hadn't been exaggerating. The jeep had gone right into the side of the cabin. I could tell from a distance Marissa was working herself up pretty good. Cas was cowering in front of her. Considering the height difference, that was pretty impressive. I got close enough to hear what was being said.

"It was the jeep, Marissa, the jeep!" Well, he had a point, I thought, the jeep did cause most of the damage.

"Who was driving the jeep?" Marissa gestured to the offending vehicle. Check mate.

"Ok, admittedly it wasn't one of the smarter choices I've made but listen, it just wouldn't stop." She huffed a little and kicked at a rock.

"You're fixing this, Cas, I mean it! And you're sleeping here tonight. Hn."

"Yes, yes. You can have my cabin." She looked markedly calmer. "There we go, see? All the anger is draining away and giving way to non-violent disapproval, yes?" he beamed at her. Marissa gaped at him and turned to me shaking her head. I just shrugged.

"I'll supervise him, don't you worry," I said patting her on the shoulder as she walked away. I could hear her muttering under her breath. I turned to Cas and grinned.

"So how's that 'don't worry, everything will be fine' thing working out for you now?" I gloated.

"Rub it in, will ya?" he said as he began to pick his way through the rubble.

"Oh, I will." I nodded. "Is Marissa going to kill you?" We stopped to survey the damage.

"I think so. I wouldn't put it past her. There's half of a hole in her wall.."

"We'll call this a learning experience, shall we?"

"That would be nice, yes," he agreed eagerly. I picked a few splinters of wood off his jacket and frowned.

"You aren't hurt, are you? Because if you got hurt during this tom foolery…Well." I let the threat hang for a moment. He gave me what he assumed was a charming smile.

"No. Such frolicsome hooliganism only leads to injury maybe one in every ten times." I snorted. I was pretty sure 'hooliganism' wasn't even a word.

"Ok, so that means you've got what? Six more times before you hurt yourself? Great. I'm going to be busy." I rolled my eyes. I did that a lot around Cas.

"Busy doing…?" he asked looking up from removing some debris from beneath the jeep.

"Busy trying to keep you out of trouble. You know, I'm thinking my bell idea is a good one."

"Do you now? That's…huh." He tossed a piece of Marissa's former wall to the side. I pulled the bell and length of ribbon out of my pocket.

"So. Are you going to hold still or am I going to have to tackle you?" I shook the bell. Cas looked up at the noise and I could hardly contain my glee at the look of horror on his face. He took a few steps backwards.

"Sweetheart?" He backed up some more.

"Really, Cas?" I raised my eyebrows in my best imitation of my adopted dad. "Come on. Last chance to do this peacefully."

He turned around and ran. I was used to chasing down a two year-old; a drunk couldn't be any worse. I took off after him. The chase went all the way around Marissa's cabin and was over in a matter of minutes. I caught up to him back where we had started. I tackled him around the waist and we went down in a cloud of dust. A few people glanced our way but just shrugged and went about their business. This kind of incident wasn't all that unusual. Cas tried to stand up but I put an end to that by sitting on him.

"Now just hold still, ok?"

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, not holding still at all. I patted him on the head.

"Because I can, mainly. And because I want to," I said, grinning. Defeat was etched across his face. He really was a sucker sometimes. I made quick work of tying the ribbon around his neck. All that practicing sailor knots came in handy.

"Why a ribbon?" he whined, tugging at it.

"What else would I have used? Besides, it's cute." As soon as I said the word 'cute' he began pouting.

"I'm not supposed to be cute."

"Yes, well it's a very manly kind of cute." I checked the knot again.

"Hey, I can't wear it for the rest of my life!" He tried to grab my hands but I yanked them back and poked him in the stomach.

"You won't, don't worry. You know you can trust me."

"Can I?" He looked unsure. I gasped in mock horror.

"I'm hurt! You don't think you can trust me? I can't stand the thought!" I cried, burying my face in my hands.

"Come on, now. Don't try to guilt me." Teasing was par for the course in this relationship. I flung myself onto his chest and began sobbing. Or rather, I pretended to sob.

"But…but I'm just so heartbroken! Trust, such a fragile thing!"

"Alright, alright," he said as he patted my head awkwardly, "I can't take tears, fake or not."

"So, I win right? You trust me again?" I looked up. He had that exasperated look I had come to know well.

"Yeah, trust you. Right."

"It's not that bad."

"I'll be mocked."

"I won't mock you, that counts right?" I asked. He thought for a moment.

"Maybe. We'll see."

"If it bothers you that much, I'll take it off." Contrary to popular belief, I wasn't a cruel person.

"You know I don't really care that much about anything you do to me," he said with a wink. Oh. So _that's_ how this was.

"Really? I don't think you want to say that." He did because that's how this worked.

"Too late. I did."

"That's like giving me free reign to do whatever I want."

"I'll deal with consequences I guess." I narrowed my eyes at him. I had a decision to make. I could play into his hand by harassing him even more or I could call it quits and maybe win this round. The problem was playing along was a lot more fun.

"You will. Like now, I get to use you as a seat." He sighed resignedly.

"Am I a comfortable seat, at least?" I adjusted myself, being careful to jostle Cas as much as I could.

"You'll do. Besides, if you're going to have to sleep out here, at least I'm keeping you warm. It's a symbiotic thing."

"Good point. You would make a better blanket than a twisted jeep hood. Just shift a little to the left." I did with more force than needed. He grunted.

"Better?" I asked. He nodded his approval. "See how thoughtful I am? I give back while I'm abusing you."

"You sure do."

"This should mean you won't tease me as much but I know that won't happen," I said without any real conviction. Cas put his hand behind his head, closing his eyes.

"It really won't."

"I knew it. It's not like I really mind. I'm almost used to it by now." I waved my hand airily. He opened one bleary eye.

"Don't say it like that, sweetheart. It makes it sound bad."

"Oh, I didn't mean it in a bad way." That was the truth. Despite all the teasing, tackling, and poking Cas had become one of my better friends. Actually, it was probably because of all that. Not that I had admitted it. I leaned closer and dropped my voice to a whisper. "Don't tell anyone but I kind of like it."

"Of course you do." It was slightly muffled by the yawn.

"I'm about to conk out," he added. I stood up and reached a hand down to him. He pulled himself up. "I guess I'm sleeping in the jeep."

"At least you won't get any splinters." I was a bright-side type of person. He gave a hoarse laugh.

"No splinters for Cas, no sir. Just a ribbon to choke me."

"I did not tie it that tight. You're just being a baby about it."

"What if I roll over and the bell snags on a piece of the jeep, huh?" I glared at him. I hadn't considered that.

"You have thumbs, Cas. And it doesn't look like there's anything you can strangle yourself on," I said giving the front seat of the jeep a once over.

"I'll probably be too out of it to muster a good roll. We'll see how well I'm breathing in the morning, right?" He nudged me. I poked him in the ribs.

"You'll be breathing because I say so, got it?"

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" He turned his mock salute into an attempt to poke me back but I slapped his hand. Pouting, he rubbed it. "Hey, now!"

"Lord! What, do you want me to kiss it better you big lump?" He just held out his hand in front of my face. Sooner or later I was going to roll my eyes one too many times and they would stick like that. I took his hand and kissed it. "Is that better?"

"Much." He gave me his most self-satisfied smile. Practice really does make perfect.

"You're a pain, you know that?"

"Yup."

"Good night, Cas," I said leaving him leaning against the jeep. I could hear the bell jingling as I walked away and I smiled. With friends like these, being almost eaten by zombie dinosaurs was worth it.


	11. What Angels & Pterodacyls Have In Common

***Disclaimer: I do not own the Supernatural characters. Everyone else I bought off of eBay.

* * *

What Angels and Pterodactyls Have In Common

The first thing I did the next morning was go check on Cas. I had spent most of the night worrying that he might actually strangle himself on the ribbon. If he died, it would be my fault. Homicide by ribbon and bell. That wasn't something I wanted to go down for. Apparently I didn't have to worry because Cas was basically like a cockroach. I had poked him a few times, gotten a muffled reply that I didn't try to decipher, and had gone on my way. The next stop was to see how Marissa was doing. I arrived at Cas's cabin right as she was leaving it. A look of horror was etched across her face.

"What's wrong?"

Her mouth moved but nothing came out.

"Marissa…?"

"Oh god, Amanda. It was terrible. I think I may have caught something."

"Is it that bad in there?" I tried peering around her but didn't see much through the beaded curtain as the door fell shut.

"I think there was something alive in the shower."

"You went in the bathroom?" I asked. My eyes widened with shock.

"I had to." She shook herself like a wet dog. "I'm going to smell like incense and socks for a week."

I patted her sympathetically and awkwardly as we walked away. It was a very distinct odor. "Sorry," I said.

"I'll be scarred for life."

"Probably have nightmares, too."

"Thanks, Amanda," she said with a glare. I grinned.

"Uh-oh." Cas rounded a corner ahead of us. "Play nice."

"Cas!" Marissa began as he got closer.

"No time now," he said and kept walking. "I have to check on Steve."

Marissa and I looked at each. In unison we asked, "Who is Steve?"

"The giant rat that lives in my cabin," he called back.

We stood in silence as we watched him disappear into the cabin. Marissa looked white and her eye twitched a few times.

"I knew there was something alive in the shower," she said and flounced off. I hurried to catch up with her.

"Where are you going?"

"To take a bath in disinfectant."

"Cool. There's a meeting later. See you there!"

We went our separate ways and I started making my daily rounds. It had become habit. Every day I went around checking on the defenses, who was on guard duty, and if any new recruits had shown up. The main flaw in our operation was that no one was actually in charge. Gabriel was a little too laissez faire when it came to planning. Lucifer, on the other hand, was great at it but we had caught him referring to everyone as Lucifer's Legions. We quickly put as much as a stop to that as possible. That didn't really leave anyone else so it became a group effort. Amanda ended up in charge of 'orientation' for the new people who turned up. Most of them were friends-of-friends but we got the odd stray. (At least that's what Lucifer called them.)I knocked three times on the office door and then went in. Amanda, Kelly, and Teri were putting together education pamphlets on how to properly dispose of zombies. They all waved.

"Hey," Amanda said, getting up, "we have a newbie."

I hadn't noticed the girl until she stood up.

"This is Aparna. She found our website"

"Awesome," I said. "We have a website?"

Everyone gave me a look and nodded slowly. So I was a little out of the loop. Sue me.

"Yeah, that Sam Winchester and Zena put it together," Kelly said. "."

"That's great." I smiled at Aparna. "I'm Skip. Or Amanda, it doesn't matter. Have they found you a cabin yet?"

"I think we're putting here in with Christina, actually," said Terri looking at Amanda for conformation.

She nodded. "Yup."

"Oh, that's my half-sister. I'll take you there," I said. I stopped at the door. "Oh, remember there's a meeting at one in the mess hall!"

"Gotcha!"

Aparna followed me through the camp, her duffel bag slung over her shoulder, as I rattled off information in no particular order.

"The mess hall is always open. Gabriel stays in cabin one. We do training in the field but be careful if you see your new roommate and Lucifer."

"Why is that?"

"They train the hellhound there sometimes," I said.

"Oh, cool!" I always liked when people had that sort of reaction but I suppose to be willing to join up with us you had to be pretty open-minded.

"What happened there?" she asked, pointing to the wreckage of Marissa's cabin.

"Well, Cas drove a jeep into it. You'll learn that's typical."

She started to laugh but I shook my head seriously and she stopped.

"Oh."

"Yeah. It's not bad though," I added hurriedly. "The people here…they're like family. I never belonged anywhere until I found them."

"That's sweet," she said and I could tell she was sincere.

"Er, thanks," I said trying not to blush. We came to a stop in front of the cabin which was painted a lilac color. "Why don't you get settled in and you can come to the meeting later?"

"Great, see you then!"

* * *

Meetings at the camp usually began with an argument between Gabriel and Lucifer about who 'lead' the proceedings, such as they were. If it was Gabriel in charge he usually sat there and let Marissa or I take care of the whole thing while munching on some sort of snack. If we were crazy enough to let Lucifer be in charge, he tried to make people recite the camp 'oath' (we didn't have one) and demand the minutes be kept. We hadn't kept minutes since the second meeting. By the third meeting, we had given up on any sort of outline for them and mostly just went over anything we can think of. That could vary from the lack of canned peaches in the mess hall to whether or not we need to try to alert the authorities. Today Lucifer and Gabriel had gladly handed over control of the meeting to Marissa and I. I made a mental note to be concerned but I couldn't focus on it too much because right as I was about to start talking, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from an unknown number. I frowned.

_Might have information for you. You know how to reach me. – Crowley _

I wasn't completely sure how to take that but right now I was standing in front of the entire camp and I didn't have time to think about it.

"Okay, um, well. We have a new member, first off," I said, waving towards Aparna. She gave a small wave back, blushing a bit. After the shouts of welcome died down, I went on. "There's going to be some rebuilding going on at cabin 22."

Marissa glared in Cas's direction. "Thanks to _someone_."

He just shrugged.

"Right. So, if anyone wants to help out, you know the drill. Also, I'll probably be leaving later to see about some possible information."

"Crowley?" Gabriel asked, perking up.

"Yeah, that's who the text was from." I shifted on my feet.

"Who's that?" Aparna asked.

"An up-start," Lucifer said.

"A demon," Christina told her.

"The King of Hell?" I said with a helpless shrug.

"Oh…."

"He's scary," said Christina. She had taken my stories about him very seriously.

"He's not, uh. He is scary," I agreed. "But anyway, I'll see what he's dug up. Hopefully it'll give us an idea of where to go next. So. Anything else?"

Angela, one of the newer girls who had been designated to research, raised her hand and then said, "There's been a few more break-outs outside of the States, mostly in England and Wales but some in South America and Japan. Some non-infected World War II soldiers turned up in Sydney."

"Are we going to try to do something about those?" Lauren asked. I turned to Gabriel and Lucifer but they both just shrugged.

"I'll have the Winchesters talk to their buddy Bobby and see if he has any contacts outside of the States," Gabriel said.

"I wonder why England and Wales, though?" Allie wondered.

"Because they have tea and jammy dodgers?" Marissa answered.

"If we're going with the idea that the person or whatever behind this is targeting…supernatural creatures, then maybe that's why?" I said.

"Possibly, pet," Gabriel said, bottom lipped stuck out in thought. Everyone was quiet, thinking about that for a moment. We had assumed none of this was just a random happenstance but it was slowly dawning on everyone what exactly that could mean for us.

"Does anyone else hear that or am I just stoned?" Cas asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"You're stoned," Lucifer said with the proper amount of disgust in his voice.

"Well. _Yeah_," said Cas.

"No, I hear it too," Emily said standing up. Once again the mess hall was silent, this time listening intently. Then there was a whooshing noise, as if something very large was flying overhead. In any other situation I would've dismissed the possibility but this wasn't any other situation and the more improbable the guess, the more likely it was to be correct. Basically, if it sounded like there was a very large something flying over the camp you'd find there was, in fact, a pterodactyl.

Three of them to be exact.

"I really didn't think zombies would have the coordination to fly," Angela said.

"Sweet!" Gabriel exclaimed. Marissa, Allie, and I gave him a look. He shrugged.

"You know, you can fly," I said, "Want to take care of this?" He didn't get a chance to answer because the three pterodactyls (technically they were pteranodons but I didn't feel this was the best time to point that out) had noticed the group and were diving down at us. There were a few scattered screams as people ran for cover. Those of us standing closest to the two archangels didn't move; whether it was because we assumed we'd be safe or because that core group had been through the most, I didn't know. What I did know was we all were knocked to the ground by something. There was a loud screech and then a rush of air. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Gabriel stand up.

As soon as he did I was able to see exactly what had knocked us all to the ground.

Spread out behind him were large wings, at least eighteen feet in span, which ranged from black to pure white at the tips. It completely transformed him despite the fact he wore the same button-up shirt and torn jeans.

He hadn't lied about it being impressive.

Marissa, Allie, and I stood up looking around to see where the pterodactyls had gone to. Lucifer was picking at his finger nails, Christina half-hidden behind him. The three had gone in separate directions and were soaring over the camp, occasionally swooping down. I really hoped that everyone had gotten under some sort of cover.

"Should we do something?" Christina asked.

"You know," I said, "every time something like this happens we all just stand around for a bit talking until whatever it is tries to eat us. Why is that?"

"We're in a bad horror movie," Marissa, ever the voice of reason, offered. It was as good of an explanation as I was probably going to get.

"I think we're at the part were something tries to eat us now," said Allie. She was pointing at one of the pterodactyls that was heading back our way.

"Uh, okay. Let's split up!" I was not the best at thinking on my feet.

"Come on, Chrissey," Lucifer said tugging my sister along after him. They went in the direction of the pool where a pterodactyl was trying its hand at high-diving.

"I'll take care of the big one," was all Gabriel said before disappearing.

"What do we do about that?" asked Allie. The pterodactyl was getting a lot closer.

"Running seems an appropriate response," Marissa said.

"The gate!" I was really hoping they'd understand what I was getting at because I didn't have time to explain it. The gusts of air blown over us by the dinosaur's wings had a rancid smell to it. It was only because of the shadow that we were able to duck in time. The talons grazed the ground next to us. Marissa's earlier comment about being in a horror movie suddenly wasn't as funny. Well, this would be one way to go out.

"All this falling down and getting back up is kind of annoying," Allie said. The sky was clear so we started back towards the gate. It was time to see if the catapult idea would pay off.

We almost made it this time.

When we rounded the corner towards the gate, the pterodactyl was swooping right down on us. There was no where to go and I think we were all mentally preparing for the end when the zombie dinosaur cartwheeled in the air then slid into the ground. We had to jump out of the way to avoid both the body and the large rock. We exchanged glances and then looked towards the gate. Emily was standing next to the catapult along with Angela and Aparna. She waved at us and gave a thumbs up.

"Don't worry! I got this!" she shouted.

The three of us just nodded. I gave the pterodactyl a kick; it didn't move.

"I wonder how everyone else is doing?" I asked. I wasn't really worried. The angels shouldn't have any trouble taking them out if they didn't spend the whole time messing around instead.

"Oh, I think we're about to find out." Marissa had her head tipped back as far as she could without falling over. I looked up.

"I guess we're running again."

The pterodactyl crashed into the roof of the cabin, almost completely leveling it, and sending clouds of dust up into the air. By this point Emily, Angela, and Aparna had made their way down to us and a small group had formed around the demolished building. There was an over-all hush as we watched some of the rubble begin to move. Gabriel climbed out, covered in dust and little bits of wood, a huge grin plastered across his face and his wings folded behind him.

"That was _great_! We should do that again!"

I don't think I've ever seen so many people shake their heads and roll their eyes at the same time.

"What?" he asked, not really expecting an answer.

The group began to break up now that the excitement was over. As I passed by Aparna, who was looking slightly bewildered but enthused, I patted her on the back.

"Welcome to Camp Rainbowshine."


	12. Squirrel Catching With Lucifer

***Disclaimer: First, it's been awhile. Second, I still don't own anything.

* * *

I didn't stick around for the clean-up. Partly because I knew everyone could handle the mess the pterodactyls caused to the camp and partly because I didn't want to keep Crowley waiting. Mostly because I didn't want to keep Crowley waiting. It was just something you didn't do if you enjoyed your limbs attached rather than being chewed on by a hellhound. When I got to Crowley and Gabriel's house, the gate was already open and I pulled up to the front. I was too busy thinking what information Crowley might have dug up and how he had done it that I didn't see the zombie raptor come around the corner of the house. It still had the party hat on.

"….I _really _should have seen this coming," I groaned. The raptor turned its dead eyes to me and started forward. I judged the distance between me and the door; there was no way I could make it before the raptor got to me. I spun and ran back to the van, scrambling up the hood and onto the roof as the zombie dinosaur snapped at my heels.

"Yeah." I looked down as it circled the van. "This is better."

The raptor began chewing on one of the tires.

"Can somebody help me? Please?" I shouted.

A few moments later the door, opened and Gabriel leaned against the frame. He was eating popcorn and watching the scene with a raised eye-brow.

"Hey, Mandy. What'cha up there for?" he asked with his mouth full.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because of your pet zombie," I said, sitting cross-legged and giving him the most incredulous look I could muster.

"Who? Phil? He's harmless!" Gabriel bounced down the porch stairs and whistled. The raptor turned towards him with an open mouth.

"He sure looks helpless," I said with an edge of concern as I started to slide off the van.

"Aw, don't listen to the mean human," he said, "She's just jealous."

"Right. Uh…Gabriel?" I was pretty sure I was about to see an archangel's face chewed off by a zombie raptor but Gabriel snapped his fingers and Phil was gone.

"What?" he asked.

"Never mind," I said walking up to him and brushing the seat of my pants off. "Is Crowley here?"

Gabriel walked up the porch and held open the door for me, waving me in.

"Oddly enough, he said you'd be coming." He winked at me as he led the way past the kitchen to a room I hadn't been in before. It was well decorated with leather couches and a fireplace that was burning yet didn't seem to give off any heat. I looked around the room as Gabriel stuck his head through a door way and yelled for Crowley.

The upstart demon, King of Hell came strolling into the room with a drink in his hand.

"You're late," Crowley said. He looked me up and down. "And dirty."

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. There was an issue with pterodactyls attacking the camp." I tugged at my torn Rainbowshine warrior shirt.

"So I heard," said Crowley.

"Why do I always miss out on the good stuff?" complained Gabriel.

"Next time I'll send you an invitation," I said. I started to sit down on the couch but took a look at Crowley's face. "I'll just stand," I mumbled.

"Good girl," Crowley said as he took a seat on the couch. "Your hunch was right. I spoke to a few contacts in various places and these attacks are targeted."

"Okay." I wasn't going to add the part where I pretty much knew that already. Crowley frowned at me. Maybe my face wasn't looking as impressed as it should have been.

"Though you're not an idiot so I'm sure you already figured that out."

"It's good to know for sure, sir."

"And I do believe I can track whoever is behind it by the pattern they're leaving behind," Crowley said, taking a sip.

"Really? How? That's great!" I paused. "I think."

"Don't sweat it, Mandybear," Gabriel said, clapping me on the back hard enough that I stumbled forward a few feet. "How bad could a man powerful enough to create time portals and bring through zombified dinosaurs be?"

"Gabriel, love, I don't believe you're helping," Crowley admonished. Gabriel just shrugged. "I'm sure that you and your rag-tag band of heroes will be more than a match for whatever adversary you're facing."

"So, you're not going to help?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"I'll help you find the person or thing responsible but fighting isn't my style. It tends to ruin my suit."

Hearing what I had expected to hear didn't lessen my disappointment. Crowley hadn't been wrong about us being a rag-tag group; as hilarious as our antics sometimes were, it made me worried about the day we would face a real threat. This wasn't a horror movie like Marissa had said. People could really die and it was a surprise someone hadn't. Crowley was sensible and level-headed. We could use that. The King of Hell finished his drink and stood. He patted me on the shoulder as he walked by.

"Honestly, love, you'll be _fine_."

"Thank you, sir."

Gabriel draped an arm around my shoulder. "Why don't you stay for drinks and cake?"

"Am I going to end up regretting it?" I asked. He just wiggled his eyebrows.

"I would count on it," Crowley called back.

"I'm in."

* * *

The camp had been cleared of most of the debris by the time I got back. Amanda and Kelly waved me through the gate and as soon as I parked the van, I headed over to the main headquarters. (Hey, when you're trying to save the world, you're allowed some poetic license. So what if it's really just the office of an old summer camp, it was better than Gabriel's cabin.) News had apparently traveled that I was back and the headquarters was full of people. Lucifer sat in the chair behind the desk, spinning it, while Gabriel perched on top of the desk. Marissa, Allie, Emily, and a few others milled around the room.

"Oh good, you're alive!" Christina exclaimed. She had been kneeling down behind Lucifer's chair and I hadn't seen her.

"Of course, I am," I said, setting a thin folder down on the desk. "Crowley isn't so bad and Other Gabriel is, well, Gabriel."

"Psssh. No one is me," our Gabriel said.

We were all quiet for a moment then Marissa said, "Except for your alternate universe doppelganger."

"Intern, you're fired," he said wagging a finger at her.

Allie leaned over and asked, "How many times does that make?"

"Three hundred and seventy-eight, I'm pretty sure."

Lucifer had picked up the folder and was flipping through it.

"That's the information Crowley's been able to dig up so far," I told him. Lucifer made a face. "He says he can get more. He thinks he can track down the person behind it."

"Hm. Maybe he is useful after all. I'll let him live for now," he said lazily examining a sheet of paper.

"I'm sure he'll, uh, appreciate that," I said. "I think what we need to focus on right now is containment. We can't let this get any worse than it is."

"People are starting to notice things are off," Amanda said. "We're getting more hits on the website. Aparna has been helping."

"I've been mapping out where the incidents have been happening and they aren't as isolated as before," added Emily.

"Think we should bring Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum back in on this?" asked Gabriel. He looked like he would enjoy the prospect. I immediately started worrying.

"Oh, let's do," Lucifer beamed. I shared a concerned look with Marissa who just shrugged.

"How bad could it be?" she said half-heartedly.

"Well, it's the end of the world and we're basically poking things with sticks. So. Could be worse, I guess."

"That sounds like approval to me!" Gabriel clapped his hands together. There was a collective sigh throughout the room.

"Let me know when you get ahold of the Winchesters," I said. I reached to take the folder from Lucifer and played tug-of-war for a bit before he let go. He smirked at me. "Thanks."

"Of course, Flower."

I handed the folder to Amanda. "See if you and Emily and the others can track down some of these locations. Crowley thinks they may be important."

"We're on it," she said and the two of them headed over to the area which had been designated for tech. By 'tech' I meant two laptops, a printer, a few cell phone chargers, a CD player, and an old CB radio that no one knew how to work and would occasionally pick up odd transmissions of Glenn Miller. Gabriel denied any wrong doing.

"In that case, I'm going to get some sleep," I said heading for the door.

"Oh, pet," Gabriel called. "You've got pterodactyl and frosting in your hair."

"It could be worse," I said as I picked a piece of something out of my hair and shut the door behind me. "It really could be worse."

* * *

The thing about insisting things can always get worse is often times they do get worse. I, however, was an optimist and figured nothing really could get worse than the end of the world. And in retrospect, being stuck in an extremely high tree because you were trying to catch a squirrel with the Devil probably wasn't worse than the end of the world. But at the moment, it certainly felt like it was worse. I looked down to the ground and Lucifer's smiling face. I clung on to the trunk tighter.

"Don't worry," Lucifer called up to me, "I'll catch you."

"Can't you just fly up here and get me?" I asked.

"Can't you just climb back down?" I wasn't fooled by the seemingly innocent tone of voice.

"I'm like a cat. I only go up."

"Oh, jump. I said I'll catch you."

"I'm not sure I believe you."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said in sing-song, complete with crossing of the heart motion. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine." If I could do everything I had since the day I walked into the Mystery Spot then I could trust Lucifer not to let me splatter all over the ground. I hoped. I inched out on the branch, took one final look down, and then jumped.

There was a second where I was hurtling to the ground that I thought, "Gee, and here I thought I was going to go out fighting a zombie T-Rex or something." But then Lucifer kept his word and my decent was stopped. He set me down on the ground.

"See? I would never lie to you."

I eyed him. "Mm-hm. I believe you."

"Of course, I did consider letting you hit the ground just to see what would've happened."

"Hey!" I was indignant.

"I would've put you back together. You probably wouldn't have even known it had happened. In fact…" He trailed off, letting me chew on that little nugget of information.

"Let's just take this back to camp now, please," I said picking up the small cage, the kind that animal control often used, which contained one fairly annoyed gray squirrel.

"We should give it a name." Lucifer poked at the squirrel. It chittered angrily at him.

"How about Hubert? That sounds like a squirrel name," I offered.

"Hubert it is," he agreed.

The two of us walked back to the camp discussing what squirrels eat (nuts) and what they don't eat (human organs). As we approached the camp, I noticed that the gate was open. It was unusual considering the recent attacks on our camp. I hurried my pace up, practically jogging through the gate. Lucifer followed slowly behind. The first thing I saw was the Winchesters' Impala. The next thing I saw was Dean catching sight of me and waving.

"Hey…" he said, "Uh, red-haired chick."

"Amanda," I said.

"What?"

"My name is Amanda."

"Right, sorry."

Sam came up behind him and smiled, "Hey, Gabriel's intern called us and said you guys had something new?"

"I hope it's not another damn zombie clean-up job," said Dean.

"I don't know exactly what it is yet, to be honest," I told them. "We're tracking down some new information and trying to figure out who is behind it. We might need your help running down leads."

"Hello, Dean. Hello, Sam," Lucifer said, finally joining us. Sam took a step back and clenched his fists. Dean, on the other hand, started forward. I put myself in-between the two of them.

"Okay, so let's just try to get along," I said.

"With _him_?" Dean asked. "Are you serious?"

"Do you have any idea what he did?" Sam gritted through his teeth.

"I do, but…"

Lucifer cut me off. He placed a hand over his heart. "I'm reformed. Besides, I'm the one who's supposed to end the world."

"That's supposed to make us feel better?" Dean asked.

"Can we please not do this?" I asked. Hubert the squirrel began squeaking loudly as his caged was knocked between Dean and me.

Dean stared down at the cage as if noticing it for the first time. "Why do you have a squirrel? Please don't tell me this is a Richard Gere thing."

"I…Uh. Wha…?"

"I could make it a Richard Gere thing, bucko," Gabriel said. "I always knew you were kinky."

I'm pretty sure there was never a time I was happier to see Gabriel and that was counting all the times he prevented something with a lot of teeth from chewing on me.

"Oh, thank god you're here, dad," I said, sighing.

"Dad?" Sam asked, looking between the two of us.

"I'm adopted."

"It's a long story," Gabriel said with a wave of his hand.

"There is some freaky ass shit going on here," Dean said. He really didn't sound surprised.

"Hey," said Gabriel, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder, "You'll fit right in."

"Can we get down to business? My squirrel is getting annoyed," I said. I shook the cage a bit to emphasize my point.

"Works for me," Sam said. He seemed to be relaxing a bit now that he knew Lucifer wasn't going to try to jump his bones. (Figuratively! I meant that figuratively.)

I pushed passed them and led the way to the office. It was a strange procession. Both angels were enjoying the obvious uncomfortableness of the humans and they weren't really being subtle about the whole thing. It probably was the fact Gabriel would giggle occasionally and Lucifer kept winking at Sam. I was immensely grateful when we got to the office. Marissa was sitting at the desk doing paper work while Amanda was going over an orientation brochure with two new girls. They all looked up as we entered.

"Boss!" Marissa stood up. "Er, uh, Sam. Dean. Uh. …Squirrel?"

I set the cage down on the desk. "His name is Hubert."

"Seems legit," she said sounding utterly bewildered.

"We're heading to the back for a little pow-wow. Want to join in?" Gabriel asked her.

"Sure."

He held the door open for us and we all filed in. I hung to the back, intending to tell Amanda something, when my phone began buzzing in my pocket. Ignoring the feeling of dread, I dug it out of my pocket and turned to Amanda.

"Hey, Amanda," I said looking down at the phone.

_**Number Blocked **_

"Yeah?"

I clicked to read the text. "When you're done, um, can you bring anything you've dug up about that information Crowley gave us?"

"Sure thing!"

_**You'll want to turn on the news, darling.**_

"No," I said to the phone as I walked into the back office, "I really don't think I'll want to."

"Don't want to what?" Gabriel asked as I shut the door.

"Oh, let's turn on the TV and find out."

"What are you talking about?" asked Dean. Marissa was already at the old TV in the corner and flipping through the slightly fuzzy channels.

Holding up my phone, I waved it at them. "Crowley."

"What's he done?"

I just looked at Sam, shaking my head, not answering the question. Marissa answered it for me.

"Unless, he put a T-Rex in the middle of L.A., I don't think he did anything."

We all looked at the TV. There was no volume but it wasn't needed. The image on the screen told us everything we needed to know. A T-Rex was rampaging down the street towards what looked like a road block made defended by police. The words at the bottom let us know that this was near the Le Brea Tar Pits.

"Now that's irony," Lucifer said with approval. Gabriel nodded in agreement.

"Well," I said, "the secret is out. What now?"

No one answered.


End file.
